BA_Harrison Take the bare bones of John Carpenter's gritty, efficient, low-budget '76 thriller Assault on Precinct 13, tweak the narrative a tad (Precinct 13 is now in snowy Detroit instead of sunny L.A.), make the protagonists less likable, turn the antagonists from menacing street gang members into highly trained policemen (an idea that throws up many illogicalities), and add a star cast who have all done much better, and what you have is an assault on the senses that features so many dumb plot turns and such terrible dialogue that it borders on farce.Ethan Hawke is horribly mis-cast as tough undercover cop Sgt. Jake Roenick, one of a group of people who find themselves under siege in the condemned titular precinct on New Year's Eve during a heavy snowstorm. As bad guy Capt. Marcus Duvall (Gabriel Byrne) and his team of corrupt cops try to gain entry in order to kill gangster Marion Bishop (Laurence Fishburne) and any witnesses, Roenick is forced to enlist the help of several prisoners to defend the building. Cue lots of shooting, with the bad guys unable to complete their mission even though they have high-tech night vision goggles, laser-sighted machine guns, grenades and a helicopter, while those trapped inside must rely on a couple of handguns, a baseball bat and an old tommy gun from the evidence room. Yes, it's as bad as it sounds.3.5/10, rounded down to 3 for Ja Rule as criminal Smiley, who irritatingly refers to himself the third person throughout.

Michael L.S. Even in its own right, this picture is unrealistic, jaded, and all-around silly. It wouldn't merit more than four stars. However, it is in comparison to its 1973 namesake that this scam of a movie truly gets to showcase just how abysmal it is.The original was dynamic, replete with action, and almost believable. It let the acting and plot (in that order) do the work. Even today, it would earn 6-7 stars easily. This abomination though can muster neither. The acting sucks because the plot sucks, hence the need for two hot chicks and fancy explosions. I mean, when in the first five minutes we're treated to a buxom woman with a short tight skirt, fishnet stockings, and high-heeled boots, then it ain't hard to see where we're headed. And the sexual tension between the pretty shrink and the "sarge" (who looks like somebody who would've washed out of rookie training, never mind gotten several promotions) just affirms the producers' desperation.Lastly, this picture is a time and a half as long as its predecessor. Regrettably, the added 50% is mostly used for trite, utterly forgettable dialog rather than interesting plot twists or some development of the cookie-cutter, one-dimensional characters.Bonus negative points: the ultra-P.C. script (well, for the most part). True, the main protagonist is now a Caucasian unlike in the original iteration. However, the perps are all either small-time crooks or, but of course, totally innocent of any wrongdoing. No rapists or brutal murderers here! It's Rolex counterfeiters and a victimized African-American woman who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. And the assailants are not some expendable, no-good hoodlums found only if the bottom of the barrel of society is scratched real hard; nope, they're police officers. Dozens of them. All corrupt and murderous... - and white. Boy, oh boy...

Phil Hubbs The first Carpenter remake released in 05, the year of the Carpenter remakes. Amazingly this isn't a shot for shot remake but actually a reasonable attempt at something slightly different. Must give kudos to the script writer/s for trying a new angle with the plot to add a touch of originality.Its pretty much the same type of film as before accept this time the cops and crooks holed up within Precinct 13 are against crooked cops who want one of the convicts inside dead. Nice twist.You don't really expect that to be honest, I just expected the same old thing with a load of gang thugs but this adds a new dimension. The fact its a whole team of crooked cops led by the nasty Byrne is really good. Bryne merely stands around and sneers a lot ordering his men to do stuff, but his presence really boosts the bad guys, faceless no more.The good guys are now of course a group of big names but the choices are OK. Hawke is the Sgt in charge of the station and Dennehy is the clichéd fat old moustached vet cop, whilst Fishburne leads the bad guys with Leguizamo doing another good twitchy gun nut.On one hand this is a fun film, plenty of decent action, pretty violent, good visuals and good performances from the main leads. On the other hand it does get silly in places, very predictable of course and feels like they are trying too hard. I did wonder if they were having a swearing competition throughout, how many times can you say 'f*ck'!?, as if that will make the film better saying it a hundred times.The main issue is the simple plot point of a small group of convicts and beat cops up against a crack team of elite cops. Not just dumbass thugs but fully suited special ops type guys, yet they can't seem to crack this band of misfits, all of them end up getting killed! so much for elite cops huh.This is a fairly decent action romp I can't deny, stupid in places and with a slightly lame finale but its fun to watch. A slightly different beast to the original which is good but at the same time you lose the mystery and suspense of the original. The unknown lurking shadows in the bushes of the originals bad guys.There is a lot of stuff which has been tossed in here to flesh the whole thing out a bit more. Trying to make the film feel more of a serious Hollywood action thriller but its all pointless and not required, the beginning sequence especially. Think of this as a venture into 'Die Hard 2' territory, snow included. 6/10

Ben Larson It was just an accident that I chose two Ethan Hawke movies in the same night. This had to be before he was chopped up in Sinister.Besides Hawke, we have Lawrence Fishburne, Drea de Matteo, Mario Bello, John Leguizamo, Brian Dennehy, and Ja Rule. There has to be someone in that mix that makes the film worth watching for you.Precinct 13 has a skeleton crew on duty New Years Eve because it is scheduled to close. A storm forces a police bus carrying a criminal named Bishop (Laurence Fishburne), Beck (John Leguizamo), a girl(Aisha Hinds) and Smiley (Ja Rule) to dump them off.Naturally, Bishop's men will try to break him out and we are witness to some real action. Only it isn't Bishop's men coming after him, and things really get dicey.