ged-22 Root canals without anesthetic are more fun. They let potential suicides watch this movie, just so they know that there are REALLY people out there who deserve to die.... such as the scriptwriter for this film. The directors name is Goth? I was going to look this up to see if it was real, but then realized I don't care. If he didn't make that name up, he certainly should have. "Failure of imagination" should be this guy's middle name. Anyone who rated this thing higher than 1 star needs to go see their "dealer" immediately, and demand a refund, or at least something that isn't cut with strychnine. Random detritus: The title comes from (how clever) the screen names of the two lead characters, one of whom is named "Cold" and the other of whom is NOT NAMED DARK. Guess that would have been "far too clichéd" for the "high level talent" they hired to script this "monster". The visual highlite of this film is a scene (I wish I were making this up) that depicts, in all it's raw power and majesty, a British men's bathroom Glory Hole (!!!) (Vomit at your own discretion). Another post comments that there is a Rubiks cube in this same scene. That is probably true, but I would have to re-watch this "horror" to verify that this is true, and I will do that the day after they remove both my eyeballs. Movies I liked less than this one: Reds (worst film of all time). 90% of everything that has "National Lampoon" in the title. Freddy Got Fingered. Joe Dirt. Die Hard 2. Movies I liked more than this: Faces of Death 18: Girls Gone Wild Edition. "A Starters Guide to Holistic Proctology". Any Driver's Ed film. Home movies of my bachelor party (don't laugh at my pain, please).In sum: A random pick from basic cable is going to be a much wiser investment of your time. Just close your eyes and hit the buttons on your remote. You may thank me later.

Scarecrow-88 "Never trust anything that bleeds for a week and still doesn't die."Vice Sergeant detective John Dark(Luke Goss, who seems more worried about how cool he looks on screen)realizes that his new, well dressed partner, "Governor" Morty DC Shade(Kevin Howarth, who grows more and more creepy and menacing as the film continues)was actually killed in a raid on slave runners gone awry, revived by the blood of a foreign girl which gives birth to a creature(..labeled a "grail" by a kooky member of internal affairs, Dr. Elgin portrayed by bald-headed Matt Lucas)inside him. The grail yearns for blood, slowly transforming the host, creating a monster which replaces Shade overtime. Shade begins attacking those behind the slave-running operation which moves underage girls from country to country illegally for prostitution purposes, and Dark stands pat because playing by the rules hasn't brought the "bad guys" to justice. But, when Shade attacks a decoy placed in harm's way by the mastermind behind the entire slave-running operation, Dark convinces himself that the monster must be destroyed before things really get out of control. Albany(Carly Turnbull), a secret agent keeping a member of the slave-running organization safe because of his testimonies against his comrades in exchange for favors, butts heads with Dark when those associated with her client are turning up dead, horribly disfigured by some sort of beast with a nasty overbite. Soon Dark and Shade will have to duke it out or else the monster poses danger to the human race at large, not just those undesirables which break laws and pose a threat to society.Director Andrew Goth presents a flashy neo-noir Gothic horror flick which also works as a variation on the vampire theme and cop drama. The British-speak is on display and the tough-talking detectives ooze machismo. The villains of the film are rather undeveloped, only serving the plot as delicacies for Shade's vampiric monster, which emerges from a hole in his hand(..also, before the monster appears, long nails burst forth from Shade's fingers). Goth's style is ambitious and flamboyant as he uses all types of camera set-ups and movements, attempting visually, it seems, to make up for the paper-thin plot. Without the creature, this is just another Death Wish variant with Shade replacing Bronson's vengeance seeking vigilante, out for his own brand of justice. The heavies in the film are colorful, but they appear, are killed, and disappear..card board characters placed in the film as vermin for extermination. One member of the slave-ring, a woman needing money for her young son, Tommy(Rhys Moosa),who forges passports, is developed a bit because we do need some sort of sympathetic character in this film, other than agent Albany(..who often seems but a mere robot doing her duty to prevent harm towards her voice into a major operation she wishes to demolish)for when you have a story seething with such corrupted sorts and coppers stooping to their level to "clean the streets", it's nice to find someone to care about if even slightly. The attacks are often committed in a way to not show the creature eating inside it's victims perhaps due to budget constraints(..instead we are privy to the pleasured expression on Shade's face as he "feeds"). The creature is also rather shown quickly, never fully visible too long on screen, perhaps because it's created through CGI, which would expose how unrealistic it is. A lot is left to our imagination, that's for sure. Shade looks more and more like a vampire as the film moves along, his eyes absent of humanity, as he carries a ferocious visage. He really looks like a human monster by the film's climax. The film doesn't go out of it's way to explain how this creature came to be and the entire warehouse sequence where people died, including Shade(..the director follows Dark as he attempts to find his partner and the two slave-runners who were party to this particular exchange), occurs away from our eyes. Merely a hanging female corpse whose blood drops gave new life to Shade, combusting into flame, is our reason for the creature's existence.

Funkymunksta I ended up switching it off after the first ten minutes or so. The story starts with Luke Goss (of Bros fame), pretending to be a double-hard b@stard. Except he sounds and looks like a bum bandit with a penchant for fake tanning products.The story then managed to drag itself through the next ten whole minutes making me feel really really bad about the impression us Brits have on the rest of the world, if this is the calibre of movie making in our country.There are many words to describe this movie, but to be honest I wasted ten valuable minutes of my life watching it, so don't think that another ten minutes spent writing about it is wise.Simply put......don't bother.......

danielle_shade I recently saw this movie on DVD. Apparently I'm one of the few who like it. The director of photography did a great job! Kevin Howarth is brilliant as Mortimer Shade. He plays a silent, scary role whom you probably wouldn't like in real life. He does it very well. I also liked Matt Lucas as Dr. Elgin. I didn't like Luke Goss, half the time he sits in his bathtub. Maybe you can't follow when you see this movie one time, but when you see it a few times its very clear. The only thing that should have been better are the actor's names in the beginning, its very hard to read them. Its worth seeing. I think its a good movie but hey who am I :)