jadavix To say that this is Fred Olen Ray's best film doesn't quite cover it. It's the only half-way decent movie he ever made. The movie has - gasp! - actual characters you can tell apart from a block of wood, and doesn't spend - gasp! - over an hour of screen time showing said characters running around doing nothing. Furthermore - gasp! - the script is cheesy and entertaining in the best way, filled with ridiculous one liners and double entendres in a spoof of film noir.The guy who plays the main character, "Jack Chandler", actually has a face and manner to suit the hard boiled detective, and the movie also benefits from the scream queen double bill of the beautiful Michelle Bauer and Linnea Quigley. Genre fans will appreciate Gunnar Hansen's appearance in another movie to do with chainsaws, though his "performance" makes you wish he'd stuck with the mask and apron.The plot is something to do with a chainsaw worshipping cult from ancient Egypt - no kidding - who cut people up to sacrifice them to their deity. Bauer has a great nude scene as one of the hardware worshiping minions, hacking a guy up and getting her beautiful naked body sprayed with fake blood. She is so sexy right from her first appearance in the movie, in which she happens to be clothed, that it makes you wish other starlets in b-flicks could study her performance and realise it's about more than just taking your top off.Linnea Quigley is also fantastic as the good girl gone bad, the role she was usually most comfortable in.If you're a fan of b-horror movies and haven't seen this one, it's well worth checking out. It's typically low key and low budget, but the starlets light up the screen, and it's entertaining throughout.

Coventry Fred Olen Ray was the reigning emperor of trashy low-budgeted B-movies during the late 1980's, so with his reputation and a fabulous title like "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers", this movie was destined to become a cult classic even long before anyone had seen it! The film is quite bad, of course, but also irresistibly charming, effectively tongue-in-cheek and massively entertaining in case you dig campy and brainless horror guff. Writer/director Fred Olen Ray and his entire ensemble cast noticeably had copious amounts of fun with this production, and there's no reason we shouldn't have either, thanks to the light-headed atmosphere, plentiful of gratuitous nudity, amateurish gore and a handful of hilarious and inventive gags. Jay Richardson pretends to be a bona fide Humprey "Maltese Falcon" Bogart in his role of chain-smoking and deep voice narrating private detective Jack Chandler. He's looking for a runaway teenage girl named Samantha (Linnea Quigley, who was 30 at the time) in the raunchy and perilous streets of Los Angeles. Jack crosses paths with a dangerously crazy cult of which the members are prostitutes worshiping the chainsaw and hacking up their customers' bodies in front of their spiritual leader. The latter is none other than Gunnar "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" Hansen; who will presumably remain personified with chainsaw horror until his dying days. Jack fears that Samantha needs to be rescued from the cult, but the girl has her own personal and hidden agenda. At times, "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers" is a little bit tedious and intolerably cheap, but throughout most of the (relatively short) running time it's a successful parody and trash flick. You can't but chuckle with certain dialogs and situations, like Hansen's extended speech bringing an ode to the chainsaw, and the grotesque nude massacre sequences are downright hilarious. This film that is also partially responsible for the huge popularity of B-movie actresses/scream queens Linnea Quigley and Michelle Bauer. In what's arguably the best scene of the entire movie, Michelle Bauer dances naked to the tunes of an Elvis Presley song with a gigantic chainsaw in her hands. She mangles her hapless victim, but not before carefully protecting a poster of her singer idol with plastic wrapping. Classic! Definitely not recommended for about 99% of the world's population, but compulsory viewing for avid cult/horror fanatics.

Michael_Elliott Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1987) * 1/2 (out of 4)This film seemed to become a cult favorite before it was even released due to the wonderful title and the VHS cover that featured some beautiful women carrying a large chainsaw. The movie deals with a P.I. (Jay Richardson) trying to locate a missing girl (Linnea Quigley) and discover a group of hooker who are chopping and dicing men with their chainsaws for a mysterious stranger (Gunnar Hansen). The title alone makes this a cult item but there's very little here to actually make a good movie. Horror fans will like seeing the cult genre stars and there's plenty of nudity but there's not enough here to carry the short 76-minute running time. We can start with some of the good stuff, which includes the rather non-stop nudity from the beautiful cast members. No one will ever accused Quigley and Michelle Bauer of not being incredibly attractive so seeing them running around in their birthday suits will certainly give many a reason to check this film out. The death scenes are all incredibly silly with fake looking body parts being thrown around along with buckets of fake looking blood. The few death scenes look campy enough to put a smile on your face but there's not nearly enough for a film like this. One really bad thing in the movie are all the lame jokes dealing with the Private 'Dick'. These jokes are quite childish and sadly they're never funny and we have to put up with way too many of them. The performances are what you'd expect from a film like this but outside the beauties we do get to see Hansen outside his Leatherface role. The movie has way too many dry spots to really work but I'm sure the title and the cast will have this thing getting new viewers for many years to come.

Woodyanders Low-rent private eye Jack Chandler (nicely played to the scuzzy hilt by Jay Richardson) runs afoul of a deadly cult of crazed chainsaw-worshiping hookers while searching around Los Angeles for runaway teen Samantha (the ever-adorable Linnea Quigley in peak perky form). Director Fred Olen Ray, who also co-wrote the witty tongue-in-cheek script with frequent collaborator T.L. Lankford, whips up one doozy of a hilariously campy horror splatter trash hoot that pokes merry fun at both vintage 40's film noir detective yarns and choice cheerfully cheap'n'cruddy drive-in fare alike. Gunnar Hansen makes for a suitably mysterious and menacing villain as the evil cult leader. Better still, this flick sure doesn't skimp on the tasty plentiful female nudity: the luscious Michelle Bauer performs a sizzling full frontal striptease prior to carving some hapless guy up with a chainsaw, Quigley dances topless in a seedy dive bar (Linnea's legendary scorching Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaws likewise seriously smokes), Esther Elise poses nude for some racy photos, and Tricia Burns bares her breasts. Scott Andrew Ressler's rough, grainy cinematography further enhances the movie's considerable grungy charm. The groovy retro 50's-style rock soundtrack, Michael Perilsten's cool rollicking score, and the endearingly tacky gore effects all hit the funky spot. Popping up in neat bit parts are Ray's onetime wife Dawn Wildsmith as brassy deranged prostitute Lori, Michael Shoyne as cynical bartender Jake, and Fox Harris as slimy voyeur baseball bat salesman Hermie. A sensationally schlocky treat.