Jackson Booth-Millard Like many people, I really only knew about this film because of the leading actress and her iconic look, but I was also up for seeing humans and dinosaurs living together, from Hammer Studios, directed by Don Chaffrey (Jason and the Argonauts, Pete's Dragon). Basically caveman Tumak (John Richardson) has been expelled from the Rock Tribe, after fighting with their leader Akhoba (James Bond's Robert Brown), also his father. After days of wandering the wilderness, Tumak stumbles upon the Shell Tribe, specifically the several female members, living on the coast, he is in a bad condition from his ordeal, he is nursed back to health by the chief's daughter Loana (Raquel Welch). Loana's betrothed Payto (William Lyon Brown) becomes increasingly jealous of this, and eventually the two men get into a major fight, Tumak is expelled following it, however Loana decides to join him as he travels back to his people. Loana teaches the Rock Tribe how to be civil, while Tumak was away Akhoba was severely injured, so he becomes the new leader, this does not sit well with his brother Sakana (Percy Herbert), who plans to overthrow him. While this storyline is going on, the Homo sapiens are surrounded by many dinosaurs and other large prehistoric creatures, some of which they encounter and battle with, including Brontosaur (herbivore), Archelon (a giant prehistoric turtle), Allosaur (carnivore), Triceratops, Ceratosaur (carnivore), Pterodactyl and its hatchlings and Rhamphorhynchus (carnivore). Also starring Thunderball's Martine Beswick as Nupondi, Jean Wladon as Ahot, Lisa Thomas as Sura, Malya Nappi as Tohana and Richard James as Young Rock Man. Welch is the big draw of this film, she is a beautiful woman with a stunning physique, sporting a furry bikini, she has no dialogue, only a number of grunts, no wonder she became a poster pinup with her iconic image (the poster famously appears in The Shawshank Redemption). The film has only a little bit of a storyline going on, you sort of ignore and concentrate more on Welch, but there are some good sequences of the cavemen fighting against dinosaurs, brought to life by the stop- motion animation of the brilliant Ray Harryhausen, as an overall film it's a reasonable prehistoric adventure. Raquel Welch was number 40 on The 100 Greatest Sex Symbols, and the film was number 86 on The 100 Greatest Sexy Moments. Worth watching!

ultramatt2000-1 Back by popular demand, it is time for "Matthew Praises." I remember seeing a brief clip of on READING RAINBOW in the episode "Digging Up Dinosaurs." That clip made me believe that dinosaurs looked and sounded like that. (I was four so this was before JURASSIC PARK which came out when I was nine.) Although Raquel Welch's beauty was there to make the picture sell, I think it was Ray Harryhausen's animated beasts that really made it enjoyable to me. The music is great, but by today's standards it looks good, but the iguana and tarantula (eating crickets) made it look cheesy. After all, they wanted to pay homage to the original 1940 classic. I mean, the 1940 film ONE MILLION B.C. was clunky. It had dinosaur effects ranging from lizards with horns and spikes glued on their bodies to men in suits. Kind of like those FLASH GORDON serials from the 1930's by Universal. This movie had better monster effects. If anyone asks me what is your favorite movie where the remake is better than the original, I would say ONE MILLION YEARS B.C. made by Hammer. Hammer was planning to make a big monster movie after the success of making their Gothic horror films like THE CURSE OF FRANKENSTEIN, HORROR OF Dracula, and the 1959 remake of THE MUMMY. They wanted to remake KING KONG, with Ray's special effects skills, but they couldn't afford the rights form RKO so they ended up remaking ONE MILLION B.C. I saw this movie on Turner Classic Movies and I highly recommend it. The film was such a success, that there were cartoons that cashed in on it like Pink Panther's EXTINCT PINK (1969) and PREHISTORIC PINK (1968) and a porno parody called ONE MILLION AC/DC (1969) (Read my review, it's a "Matthew Rants" one). Followed by WHEN DINOSAURS RULED THE EARTH (1970) (read my review on that one). Not rated, but it contains violence, nudity, peril, some gore and one scary scene (specifically that tarantula). Best viewable for children over the age of 7.

Jonathon Dabell "People did not live in the days of the dinosaurs. You must realise that the picture is being made for entertainment, not for professors…. I think one has to accept that licence with an 'entertainment picture', because it's not supposed to be a documentary," declared Ray Harryhausen. Before this film, dinosaurs in movies were created by shooting lizards in close-up, with extra body-bits glued onto them to create the desired effect. Here, Harryhausen uses his considerable talent as a stop-motion animator to create numerous monsters of the past, including an allosaurus, brontosaurus, ceratosaurus, triceratops and pterodactyl.One Million Years B.C follows the adventures of a caveman named Tumak (John Richardson). The son of a tribe leader, he is banished from his tribe following a fight with his father over a piece of meat. He wanders alone into the wilderness and encounters various strange creatures, before eventually stumbling across a more advanced tribe who have developed things like music, painting, jewellery-making and agriculture. He is welcomed by these new people and lives among them, quickly catching the eye of a cavegirl named Loana (Raquel Welch). Meanwhile back at Tumak's birth tribe, his father is overthrown as leader by the ruthless Sakana (Percy Herbert), Tumak's treacherous brother. Tumak is forced to leave his new tribe after attempting to steal a spear, and is joined on his wanderings by Loana (who has fallen in love with him). They have various adventures before eventually making it back to Tumak's native home. Upon discovering what has happened during his absence, Tumak challenges his brother for leadership of the tribe. The final battle is interrupted by a massive volcanic eruption which wipes out many of the people in its path.The film is the best of the series, helped along by a solid performance from Richardson as the adventurous caveman and Harryhausen's sterling work in the effects department. Welch is on hand to provide the 'eye- candy' while Martine Beswick provides extra sex appeal as an animalistic girl from Tumak's tribe. Also worthy of note is the score by Mario Nascimbene, a beautiful blend of siren-like wailing and clashing cymbals, reminiscent of the operatic music of the spaghetti westerns. It's probably the best score of the entire prehistoric series. On a more negative note, One Million Years B.C. is the ugliest of the films at a photographic level. Despite promising Canary Islands locations, there is something unattractive about the cinematography and the film's poor use of colour. The story structure also becomes a little wearisome towards the end; an endless cycle of walking around – dinosaur attack – walking around – dinosaur attack – walking around – dinosaur attack. Overall, though, this is a good film with enough going for it to make its weaknesses forgivable. Is it the best film Hammer made? No… but it is a lot of fun, and Harryhausen's contributions alone make it worthwhile. We all know it's bogus as history and repetitive as a story, but One Million Years B.C. works well as what it was intended - that is: wild, sexy, adventure-filled entertainment.

Dalbert Pringle WARNING! - Never, ever judge a DVD by its enticing, bikini-clad, surfer-girl, cheesecake cover! Oh-me! Oh-my! Believe me, this prehistorically preposterous "Romeo & Juliet" love story literally set the art of romance back by about a billion years (B.C.). It really did.This film is a prime example of some of the most primitive-minded, stone-aged trash that actually makes the likes of The Flintstones cartoon seem about 10x more entertaining (and authentic) by mere comparison.From wrangling with supremely peed-off warthogs to claw'n'nail cat-fights between hot cave-girls in high-fashion fur bikinis (ooh-la-la!), One Million Years B.C. can only be fully appreciated if one chooses to view it as a demented, dim-witted, slapstick comedy, presented in the comic style of a Monty Python's farce.From my point of view - This neolithic nonsense of fighting, killing, raping and grunting scraped the absolute bottom of the primordial barrel.I'd say that about the only thing missing from this one's primeval tale of uncivilized romance (perfect for Valentine's Day) was to have had the gruff & grubby Rockman (Tumak) club the sweet & delicate Shellgirl (Loana) over the head and then drag her back by her long, blond locks to a convenient cave for a little bit of "you-know-what", caveman-style.When actually comparing this film's dinosaur effects (courtesy of Ray Harryhausen) to those of 1933's King Kong, I'd confidently say that what one saw in the latter picture (though filmed 33 years prior) was, indeed, far more superior to the former flick in every way imaginable.Anyways - The truth of the matter is - One Million Years B.C. was a total stone-aged embarrassment on all counts. Yep. And that also includes its climatic "erupting volcano" scene that was (obviously) hastily thrown into this primitive mishmash for good measure.And, finally, I ask you - How the hell can Man's future possibly be looked upon as being friendly when his savage, blood-thirsty past (which goes all the way back to one million years B.C.) certainly wasn't?