lastliberal I am not expecting any surprises here. A group of young and beautiful people, and one real drag (Kelly Vitz), go out into the woods. Now, what do you think is going to be waiting for them? Maybe there will be an interesting twist or two, especially since Simon, our slasher, has a real fascinating booby traps in th woods. The kind that really make a mess of the victims. And, boy, does he have a way with pickaxes! Simon is played by Crispin Glover (The Wizard of Gore remake). He is creepy in both roles - Simon & Stanley.Kate (Margo Harshman) makes a little mistake at the end, but it'll all work out. Simon says.

Claudio Carvalho The pothead Zack (Greg Cipes); the sweethearts Kate (Margo Harshman) and Riff (Artie Baxter); the slut Vicky (Carrie Finklea); and the spoiled Ashley (Kelly Vitz) travel by van to the backwoods to camp. They meet two strange graveyard diggers that advise them to leave the place otherwise they could be murdered. Then they meet the deranged retarded Simon (Crispin Glover) in the gas station and Riff has a friction with the guy. They find a paradisiac spot to camp at the riverside, but Simon and Stanley transform their holiday in a nightmarish night."Simon Says" is another absurd and stupid slasher that follows the style of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", "Wrong Turn" and other films of this sub-genre of horror. Crispin Glover performs an annoying character that keeps saying "and you forgot to say…Simon says" (even in the end of the credits). But the most irritating in this story is the ability and invulnerability of his undestroyable character. My vote is three.Title (Brazil): "Siga o Mestre" ("Follow the Master")

MetalGeek The wife and I decided to rent "Simon Says" based on its particularly nasty looking trailer and the fact that we saw Crispin Glover's name above the title, prompting me to joke "Cool, George McFly as a slasher!" We knew nothing about the film prior to stumbling across it on our cable's On Demand, and thus settled in for what looked like some goofy slasher doin's.I must admit, the first twenty minutes or so of "Simon Says" were pure torture. Lord knows I've seen my share of slasher films over the years, and obviously so have the makers of this film because the first quarter of the movie sticks so closely to the "rules" of slasherdom that it almost becomes a parody. When five teens (each representing a time honored Slasher Cannon Fodder Sterotype, of course -- i.e. The Brainy Chick, the Slutty Chick, the Jock Guy, the Stoner Guy, and the Yuppie Chick) pull off the beaten path to do some camping in a near-deserted small town, it takes them no time at all to get on the bad side of local hillbilly store proprietor "Stanley" and his retarded brother "Simon" (both played by Glover), so I was already thinking "Oh man, this movie is gonna suck." The characters were cardboard cut-outs, the dialogue was howlingly bad, and the foreshadowing (of what is supposed to be a big 'shock twist' at the end, which I will not reveal here but I'm sure everyone will see coming from a mile away) was so telegraphed that I almost considered switching the movie off. I'm glad I stuck with it though, because once the 'action' finally starts in "Simon Says," gorehounds will be in for one helluva nasty, gooey, blood-covered treat. Seems Stanley/Simon is quite handy with pickaxes and has booby-trapped the woods with some very original contraptions that hurl blades, gears, and other implements of death at our teenage heroes (as well as a few other bystanders who happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time) with lethal, often hilariously gory accuracy. It wasn't long before I was cackling as our teenaged idiot heroes were running aimlessly through the woods, being chewed to bloody stumps while Crispin Glover chewed on the scenery for all it's worth. The guy's always BEEN weird, and this movie gives him the opportunity to just go completely off the wall. He looks like he had a hell of a lot of fun in this dual role.By the tail end of "Simon Says" we even get a "dinner with the family scene" (when Stanley takes the lone surviving girl to meet "Maw and Paw" who are of course rotting corpses sitting around a table), providing another nod to many '70s and '80s exploitation/splatter movies and adding yet another level of sick weirdness to what was already a pretty sick movie. By the time this one ended my wife and I could only look at each other and laugh, and we've been making "You forgot to say Simon Says!" jokes for a couple of days now."Simon Says" is not a GREAT movie by any means but it's certainly worth a look if you haven't been getting your recommended daily allowance of carnage at the video store. It starts out pretty average but suddenly and without warning becomes its own weird and unpredictably hilarious beast.

Scarecrow-88 Crispin Glover. The man. The myth. The legend. It was a no-brainer that he'd make the perfect psychopath. When it comes to weird, Glover wears it like a glove(..sorry, it was just too easy).He stars as "two" very unstable twin brothers(..or so we are led to believe)who just so happen to be serial killers as well(..although, the film obviously clues you in early that this might not be the case)and their new targets are a group of teenagers, in a van, on a camping trip. Yes, the conventions are all here, but somehow the film takes off in spite of the familiar trappings. The gory violence(..particularly what happens to a group playing paintball in military fatigues)is so over-the-top(..the constant use of the pick-axe is carried to extreme heights such as how they are used in various wilderness traps, mostly triggered by wire)and tongue-in-cheek, the reaction will vary from shock to outright laughter. Glover toys with a ridiculous(..often slowwww) southern accent and his range is so broad, you can't help but wonder where he's liable to take his character(s) next. You watch as "Simon/Stanley" murders folks, wondering how in the world he's so successful, and oftentimes, victims find ways to get themselves in a world of hurt. It's all so absurd and yet so, for whatever reason, entertaining. I think, it's the way the material is presented. You never, at any moment, get a whiff of seriousness, in the tone or material. The film features aberrant behavior and people dying in very, quick, but vicious ways, yet it never gets very disturbing or terrifying..that could be a good or bad thing depending on how you view these kinds of films. The ending is about as demented as can get with another one of those surreal "dinner sessions with mom and dad", hosted by a cuckoo Stanley offering Kate(Margo Harshman) a "hand sandwich"! This might just gain a reputation(..or cult following) with slasher fans in years to come due to Glover's association..and the "punch-in-the-stomach" violence where victims are killed in elaborately gruesome ways(..it's really a bloodbath), but it mostly happens and is over so the viewer can catch a breath before the next person is slammed with the massive thrust of the pick-axe. If I had to choose the most potent act of violence, it'd be when a victim is burned alive as he lets out a "Devil's cry"(..though, when a woman, dangling from a noose, is hurled into the windshield of the van, it certainly packs a wallop).It looks like Margo Harshman, the pretty heroine Kate, will work within this genre for sometime to come. The rest of the cast play basic stereotypes seen in the slasher genre for some time. The stoner(Greg Pipes), the jock(Artie Baxter), the health nut(Kelly Vitz), and the sexually active hottie(Carrie Finklea). They all pretty much play second fiddle to Glover(..and that crazy machine that launches a number of pick-axes at those who Stanley/Simon aims at) who does his usual scenery devouring.