johnny_burnaway This is one of two train safety films produced by Union Pacific (the other being Last Clear Chance). Ostensibly a primer on the finer points of safety while working on the railroad, it is really more of a subtle propaganda piece. If you suffer an accident as a Union Pacific employee, you are the same kind of idiot as the characters in this short. Further, since the narration is provided by a reverend from the First Church of Union Pacific, your accidents are also evidence of your moral failings.To drive these points home, we're shown three accidents:Accident #1: Joe Provides His Own Dead Man's CurveJoe is in love with Helen. He works as an electrician; she slings hash at the local diner. Come 5 pm, some dark urge overtakes Joe, and his desire to be with Helen overwhelms every other thought, even his own instinct for self-preservation. He drives so recklessly trying to reach her that he ends up rolling his pickup truck right over his spinal column.My questions start where the reverend's narration ends: Why was Joe driving like a maniac trying to reach a girl who isn't going anywhere? Does he drive like this at the end of every shift? If so, why haven't the guys riding in the back of his truck tactfully threatened to kill him if he doesn't knock it off? If not, why is he doing it today of all days? I'm convinced nothing more than Joe's own lack of impulse control is what did him in.Accident #2: Dead Man Without a SwitchGeorge and Fred, longtime railroad men, are looking forward to their twilight years. Alas, one day, George's diet of whole milk, fried chicken, and Twinkies catches up with him and he suffers a massive heart attack while guiding a locomotive engine. Alone at the controls, he is unable to keep the engine from smashing into the boxcar on which Fred is standing. Fred tumbles to a gruesome demise on the tracks below, possibly beneath the very steel wheels that propel George's twitching body into early retirement.George now spends his days sulking in a chair. Faced with the choice of losing some weight and getting some exercise, or waiting for that second heart attack to come finish him off, he seems to have opted for the latter.Of all the accidents presented, this is the one that actually seems somewhat likely. As such, it is also the one that really tests the reverend's assertion that Union Pacific does everything in its power to prevent accidents. There is no dead man's switch in the locomotive, and there is no one there to take the controls once George keels over. Fred is on top of that boxcar with no safety harness. There's gotta be a lawsuit in there somewhere.Accident #3: Never Light a Cigar with a Welding TorchCharlie is about to be a new father. As was done in those days, he drops his wife off at the hospital to handle the breathing and pushing and screaming while he goes to work in the machine shop, cigars in hand. The blessed moment arrives and Charlie immediately makes the rounds of his co-workers, including the welder. Excitement trumps common sense as Charlie barrels into his fire-wielding friend, taking (and taking and taking...) a torch to the face and suffering a case of eyeball brulee that leaves him blind.Seriously, you want to talk workplace safety? Talk about cost- cutting that leads to faulty equipment and unsafe conditions. Talk about workers who take sloppy shortcuts because they're doing something they've done a million times already. Trying to enjoy your life probably won't turn you into a blithering idiot on the job.Watch this in its original form and you'll feel condescended to; watch the MST3k version and you'll have a blast.

monoceros4 Both are produced by Union Pacific Railroad but take completely different approaches. The tone of "Last Clear Chance" is angry and hectoring, featuring a truculent state trooper who harangues the Dixon family, and us, on following traffic rules and signs. All to no avail, of course: one of the young Dixons drives immediately from the lecture into a train, looking backwards and laughing all the way."The Days of Our Years" tries a different method, not aggressive but passive-aggressive. Instead of a browbeating cop there's a mild-mannered priest with a soothing voice. Selfishness and private life are to blame in all three cases: Joe rolls over his truck because he's in a haste to get together with his fiancée, George pushes himself too far because he's looking forward to a comfortable retirement, and Lenny gets a torch in the face because he's overjoyed at the birth of his son. The (one hopes) unintentional message is that having a life outside of work is begging for a lethal accident and insincere compassion from a blase churchman. No doubt he twists the knife a little further into innocent George every Sunday.It's not an accident, I'm sure, that the toy which Lenny gives to his son at the end of the movie is a toy train.

beness321 This short was featured on episode 623 of Mystery Scienc Theater 3000 and boy did it ever need the treatment. To put it simply and to quote Mike Nelson, by the end we discover that accidents are caused, "by joy, sex, and old age." This is particular to accidents on the railroad. This documentary short shoots you with more irrelevant metaphors than the regular Coleman Francis feature, and it leaves you feeling depressed and empty knowing the greatest joys in life always lead to the death of you and your loved ones. I recommend this documentary only in its mst3k format, where it is excellent fodder for m&tbs. I leave you with the vision of a minister strolling his congregations neighborhood, pointing out all the accidents that were caused by the grace of god as a consequence for living the days of their years.

Pietro_Shakarian "The Day of Our Years" is an educational instruction film from the mid-50s made by Union Pacific. It's a classic in Union Pacific vaults but viewed as too corny by the average person. So, pretty soon it made it's way to Comedy Central's "Mystery Science Theater 3000" and is probably one of the funniest MST shorts. The film focuses on a Reverend better known to Tom Servo as "America's Favorite Decan of Death" who tells us three stories about death, accidents, and misfortune. The first story is about Joe. Joe likes to rush. So rushing his way home one day, he and two of his fellow workers. This particular story contains some of Mike and the bots' funniest commentary such as when Joe is on the road and while the Reverend is telling his story Crow blurts out (while we look at a close-up of Joe) "Out of my head, Reverend!" or the scene where Joe is seen in a neck-brace and Tom comments "Do you take this bionic man?" The next tale is of George. George is a crazy old guy (ya gotta love him) who's planning his retirement with his wife. One bright, sunny, cheerful, day George doesn't feel good. Could it be last night's Mexican dinner? Anyway, he ends up killing his neighbor in a (train?) crash. Ever since then George never moves from his chair, and closes the shade on everything while saying "BOOOORINGGGGGG!" The third and final story is about a man who has been blinded by a blow torch and gives his baby a train instead of his bottle. This particular MST short made my brother and I fall on the floor laughing at the commentary. I highly recommend MST version of this one (which, I think is now on videotape or DVD).