Master Cultist
Universal Soldier III: Let's be honest here, my hopes for Universal Soldier 3 were not exactly high. In fact, so low were they that even a modicum of style or verve would have been acceptable. So, did it live down to my prejudices? Oh, yes indeedy. In a move so audacious, they can only be commended, the casting personnel for the movie managed to locate and hire the only man alive with less acting talent and on screen charisma than either Long Cord Man Slamme or Dolphin Lundgren. In fact, when comparing the lead role here with Dolphin, it is hard not to bring to mind a battle of acting prowess between Meryl Streep and Jimmy Krankie, with Dolphin in the role of Streep. Matt Battaglia, a one man slab of mahogany gurns and stammers his way through a movie so lacking in style at one point I actually broke down and wept, head falling forwards, face slapping into my bowl of Super Noodles (beef), only able to breath by mercy of the fact that one noodle slipped up a nostril and I was able, through sheer force of will, to suck enough oxygen through the wheat construct to sustain life. When my energy returned, mercifully, the movie had ended, the on screen message taunting me "View Again?" No, my friend, I commanded the V+ box, not ever again.
Rob_Taylor
You know a film must be pretty awful when:a) Burt Reynolds is the best actor in it.b) You keep wishing Jean-Claude Van Damme would make a re-appearance.Absolutely dire is a kind way of describing this pitiful offering. The original concept behind the Universal Soldier had plenty of potential, but this sequel to a sequel (and not even real sequels, but TV Movie sequels!) is almost too bad for words.Each and every one of the actors is truly terrible, especially the leading man, Battaglia. I know he's supposed to be playing a mindless automaton to begin with, but give me a break! Wooden doesn't begin to describe his performance which was so devoid of energy and enthusiasm that I began to long for Jean Claude to return. Now that's pretty bad!Burt Reynolds is the best of the bunch, but he fails miserably to deliver even a half-way decent Irish accent. At first, I couldn't even figure out what accent he was trying to portray, let alone whether it was any good or not. Please Burt, go back to the retirement home and stop making a fool out of yourself.The plot is pure silliness, coming from the "straight-to-video action movie" library of crass, "fire-fight for no reason" scripts. Endless gun fights, interspersed with "arty" shots of shell casings falling to the floor a la The Matrix (but never more than about three, almost as if they only had three casings). Lots of automatic gunfire, but the only people that actually get killed appear to be innocent bystanders. The Unisols in this movie appear capable of A-Team like innaccuracy when it comes to hitting the main characters.<spoilers ahead>In fact, when it comes to automatic fire, this film did teach me one thing. Ambulances are bullet-proof and perfect for escaping from machine gun toting uber-killers! Despite being hit front and rear, the ambulance received not even a scratch, not one bullet hole or broken window. The same ambulance also proved to be impervious to suicide soldiers who leapt in front of it, again sustaining no damage apart from a few sprinkles of fake blood.There are a large number of pointless or contrived scenes and heaps of foolish dialogue that falls flat on its face. A number of scenes are just plain risible, such as the scene where the Unisols are "covertly" entering a military airbase. They come up against a chainlink fence and resort to the best means to "covertly" cut through it to gain entry - a frickin blowtorch! No pansy boltcutters or wire-snips here. A full on blowtorch to melt through the links. Yep, the guards'll never notice a blowtorch in the pitch darkness! Duh! Pure idiocy.Later, inconsistent scenes and dialogue appear, such as the bomb in the hero's brother's chest, which we are told has a blast radius of twenty yards. When it goes off (moments later) it's more like he had a firecracker under his shirt. No, I take that back. A firecracker would have been more dangerous. Pathetic film-making! Then there's the scene with Burt leaping to his death from a rooftop onto the roof of a car. All the windows except for the windscreen itself blew out, but the screen wasn't even cracked? C'mon! I know it's only a TV Movie, but how dumb do they think the audience really is?All in all, this movie is not worth watching except perhaps as an exercise in how not to make an action movie. There's really no excuse for thinking that this kind of rubbish will satisfy even the most easily pleased of movie-goers. I know TV Movies have a very limited budget, but this takes the p**s. If they could afford Burt Reynolds, they could have afforded a few old cars to smash up or even an old van they could have painted up like an ambulance so they could have put bulletholes in it, for Chrissake!The Director appears to have only worked in television, directing odd episodes of this series or that, and the small screen mentality really shows in this movie. But it's the plot that really is beyond poor. An average six year old could probably come up with a more interesting and gripping action script than this one.If you are a fan of the original, give this a very wide berth, or it'll scar you for life.
Ryan J. Gilmer
Where to begin. The story is fine, the acting is pure, even when Luc is supposed to be human he is worse than Star Trek DATA, and it this really Universal Soler III or IIb? As you can tell, this spinoff of the series is messed up. The acting would be solved if they had meant money on Van Damme (to go with Gary Busey, Burt Renolds, and a Bill clinton voice impersonator). Unfortunately they dont, and this "high tech" looking TV-seried (parts one and two) finds the need to recreate the end of Universal Solder I and then erroniously place the date as 1998 not 1992. Berronlia and West are merely Canadian versions of the Universal Soldier I characters and it shows. Like other movies (aka The Jessee Ventura story) the Canadians come off as fake and crude (especially in the Canadian business scene). Anyway not to bash on Canadians as the movie does have one of the funniest lines I can remember.Burt Reynolds: "General Clancy, I need a favor."Clancy: "Whats that sir?"Reynolds: "I need you to die. Don't Worry its only temporary."Hopefully this teo part blip and Burt Reynolds fakish Scotch Irish accent are only temporary.
Clee-2
A film devoid of merit, it almost defies articulation in its lack of creativity, originality, and knowledge of film making. Burt Reynolds provides a complete rationale for why his career has almost come to an end with a performance that probably best describes his true essence. This film has accomplished one feat I would have thought impossible, it almost made Jean-Claude Van Damme's earlier version seem worthwhile. Put a torch to this tape and spare future viewers the wasted time.