CheeseDogX A friend of mine got me this little turkey for Christmas, because he knows I enjoy watching bad movies. Usually I do this as a group event, so my friends and I can all sit back and mock the movie together, but out of boredom I decided to check it out by my lonesome. Next time I watch something like this, I'll make sure to have a suicide watch on hand.From the title, as well as the box, I assumed this would be a horror flick, with at the very least some cheesy death scenes. Sadly, I didn't even get that much. Ancient Warriors is a low-grade action flick with vague supernatural elements awkwardly shoehorned in. You got some characters with psychic abilities and a dying man looking for a miracle cure buried in a cave in Sardinia, which is guarded by the ghosts of, you guessed it, Ancient Warriors. In any other movie, this would have been the focal point, but in the case of this flick, you have to wonder why they even bothered putting it in. As the gentleman who did the previous review remarks, the eponymous warriors get maybe five minutes of screen time. Most of the rest of the movie consists of boring action scenes and ham-fisted attempts at character development.I think one of the many, many problems with this film is there's so much going on that nothing gets accomplished. Perhaps that's because there were three writers. It certainly feels like it's trying to be three movies at once. They loaded the movie with about a dozen characters and tried to flesh them all out, which might have worked if they'd gotten decent actors. I mean, you know you're in trouble when Daniel Baldwin is the most gifted actor on the set. The movie seems to be pulling in at least three directions at once; one minute it's a buddy movie, the next it's a shoot-em-up, and for brief spurts it's a supernatural thriller. It's a textbook case of "too many cooks spoil the broth." If this movie had come out 20 years ago and had at least one famous action star (Jean-Claude Van Damme springs to mind), this movie might have made it on the big screen as a summer blockbuster. As it is, it seems destined to be the kind of movie you find on cable at 3 am when you can't fall asleep. And that's probably where it belongs. If you happen upon this movie in the store at some point, do yourself a favor and leave it on the shelf.

refrankfurt Up until now, I have never stumbled upon a dollar DVD that wasn't worth a dollar. I would have thought that anything would be worth one miserable dollar. The forty years of fiscal irresponsibility that began with Lyndon Johnson's final debasement of our currency has reduced the once-mighty dollar to subatomic dimensions; and at the rate the current administration continues to pile up debt, it will not be long before it will take Avogadro's number of the wretched things just to buy a handyman's special, dry-rotted, termite-infested two-bedroom firetrap in the middle of a malarial swamp. What could possibly be so worthless that it is not worth one stinking, lousy, butt-wiping dollar? Well, this movie is it, folks. It is not worth a dollar. It is not worth a ten cent coupon for cottage cheese that blew out the window and landed on top of a manure pile. It is so bad that no combination of known adjectives could do justice to it. It is not even so bad that it is entertaining. It is just so bad that it is not worth a dollar.Why do I feel this way? Well, here comes the big, bad spoiler: The ancient warriors are little more than translucent, badly composited wall decorations, and they make only the briefest cameo appearances. Aren't they the smart ones? The rest of the movie involves nothing more original than a series of pointless and poorly staged shootouts between an unlikeable and unconvincing bunch of good guys and a gang of bad guys whose leader (even by today's laissez-faire standards) ought to have his mouth washed out with Lysol and be sent to the penalty box for unnecessary profanity. But possibly he was only voicing his true feelings about this movie. If so, I can understand. Before I was even twenty minutes deep in this excrement, I wanted to shoot everyone involved, including the producers.I would like to conclude with a protest against having to give one star to this abomination. It is not worth one star. It is not worth zero stars. It is not even worth one crummy dollar.

Team_Rocket From the moment you hear that first gunshot, you feel an air of cheesy action crapfest ahead of you. Then you hear that second gunshot, then another, and another...And another....And yet another. They should have called this shoot people the movie. Pretty much the entire film centers around shooting guns nonstop and killing everything in sight. The one time the films stars aren't shooting their guns, is when they're polishing them...And the one time they're not killing people with their nicely polished guns is when they're having target practice. Yes, you read that right. You get to actually watch the low grade b movie action stars target practice. You get to watch all kinds of guns being fired too, not just machine guns, but 9mm handguns too. One of the b movie stars even pays homage to Chow Yun Fat with his duel wielding 9mm's style of shooting people.Now don't get me wrong, when I say these guys shoot people, they don't just wing them or nick them...They fu**ing kill them...Dead mind you, deader than 4 o'clock. I don't think I saw even one person recover from the shooting they got. I saw guys taking shots in the head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes. And at one point I saw a man get shot in the a**, either that or he had two a**holes. That reminds me, the actors in this film were like a collective of a**holes. Or, the big stink as I like to call them. They were very wooden, almost totem-like. They somehow made their way from scene to scene, and shot people. I could imagine the director carrying each actor from scene to scene and posing them for each shot given the woodocitificationess of the actors in question.I didn't hate this film, and for the price of $1.00 I would have to say it was worth it. It was worth a dollar just to see the heavy machine gunner do a Rambo yell while he slaughtered dozens of mindless villains. I couldn't stop laughing during that part of the film either. Going into Ancient Warriors thinking it would suck made sitting through it much easier as well. All in all, I'd give this film a 2. Just because it's so over the top with gunplay and sets a new standard for bgrade action films, plus there's a Baldwin brother in it, so hey...I'd give it the extra point for that alone. For bad movie lovers only, all others please avoid this at all costs. Even at a dollar.

anubis76 This is probably one of the most pathetic action flicks I've seen. I rarely hit fast forward even on the most sorry acting endeavors, but this just brought tears to my eyes. Columbo should never do another film, his pouty face and supposed sadness over the death of his father is a hilarious "gem" to watch. I've seen high school plays with more drama than this. Baldwin, at least seems to be laughing at himself in his role which makes it easier to see him as the lothario that his family is famed for. Let's see what else, plot....um yeah....don't even bother listening it will save you from having to make up alternate scenarios in your head. I mean who wrote this script!! I'm angry at even having rented and spent time watching it. The ancient warriors were wholly unnecessary and take up literally about 8 minutes of the entire movie. It's not scary, not thrilling and I found myself wanting to grab a pistol to shoot my screen to get the violence moving. You have been warned!!