Hellraiserdisciple After watching Aquanoids I told myself that if I was going to see this one again it would be solely for the purpose of reviewing it. Seeing as how I'm writing this it means I have indeed done such a thing. As Aquanoids opens you spend a couple of minutes taking in the fact that this truly IS a low-budget film. REALLY low-budget. It's an amateur film. They open with an aquanoid attack in 1987 then jump 16 years in time. We later learn that 17 people were killed during that summer. Our heroine, looking like a bustier, less talented Eliza Dushku, is still mourning the loss of her mother that summer. She knows an aquanoid when she sees one and starts her crusade to close the beaches and stop the ferocious aquanoids. Vanessa says the aquanoidS are back, but we don't really see more than one at the time. The aquanoid costume probably represented one of the bigger posts on the meager budget. We should respect that. The mayor of course doesn't want the threat to leak out and takes a few precautionary measures. We also have some inquisitive reporters that don't really add much to anything. It's influence from superior films like, Jaws, Humanoids from the Deep and others are obvious. They even mention several of its predecessors. At least that shows the movie is self conscious. Not that it helps much, but a little.So just what's the deal with Aquanoids? Well, there are plenty of things to notice and reflect upon when watching it. Laurence Hobbs playing Jackson is one of the great things about this movie. Seeing his costume, a pair of pants and a grey t-shirt I can't help but wonder if that was what Hobbs put on when getting up that morning. Just put on whatever you have. His acting style is relentless! Jackson is utterly hilarious when exclaiming: "I can't believe it got into Lovers Cove!" Like that is something unbelievable. Was that a fact so terrible your mind simply refused to comprehend it? Jackson also witnessed one of the aquanoid attacks back in 87. He just happened to be standing at the beach with binoculars… at night. But, hey, so was I! Another wonderful scene is when Vanessa's friend at one point asks her for an opinion on something. She's made an impressive sign on the computer reading: DANGEROUS WATERS! ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK! Vanessa says: "I think that will work!". That is truly brilliant stuff! The evil mayor and father-of-the-year award winner at one point tell his daughter: "Now look, I don't want any alcohol at the party. We don't want to pump your stomach again!" He's playing the role of the concerned parent. While being evil! In all fairness he does singlehandedly represent all the acting credibility in the movie. Trying to earn it a higher rating we get a half-assed gory autopsy. I think we've seen enough scenes in other movies with an iron-stomach pathologist who eats while doing his thing. Do something else. At the end Vanessa learns that Jackson is in fact her father. She is shocked and I am shocked that she was shocked. We were both shocked. What shocked and disappointed me even more was her inability to get topless. I expected that from a title like Aquanoids. Others do though, in very random fashion.The technical aspects are quite, shall we say puritan? Whenever we have some underwater shots you can't help but think it's a pity the BBC wildlife photographer must have slept late that day. They make a daring attempt at split-screen. They even dazzle us with three different images at the same time! The scene itself isn't half-bad, with a somewhat dynamic car chase. A couple of times I could see their attempt to create a certain something in tone and even though the execution for the most part didn't work, it felt sincere. Bottom line is that YOU could probably make this film. It's quite possible to do. Just use whatever you have and improvise the rest. Aquanoids is by no means good, or particularly competent, but I'm still happy someone put an effort into making a horror movie, even if it was a pretty bad one.

Conor Moore Now, i have been watching B-movie horrors for sometime now and this film is by far the worst one i have ever watched but also the best. If your looking for good script, acting, story etc. then avoid this film like the plague however if you are looking for a cheap laughter filled night in with the lads, this is the one for you. With no where near believable characters and a largely endowed femme fa tale you know your in for at least some cheap laughs and nudity. The script while trying to be serious is just awful, thats all that can be said....awful, just bloody awful.The script is devoid of interesting plot turns and any real creativity, if you gave a monkey a type writer the script for aquanoids would quickly churn out.I do however have a place in my heart for this film, even though the script was downright terrible, some moments in this film are just a must to commit to memory and are undeniably funny. The camera quality too adds to the hilarity, as a good friend whom i watched this with described its quality very well as "porno Cam".to conclude, if you see this in a bargain bin, buy it just to see what I'm talking about but if you are not someone in persuasion of B-movie horror you best look somewhere else.

lordzedd-3 Okay aside the video was pretty bad a number of other things is way wrong with this undersea Turkey. One, it's a complete rip off of other sea going monster movies, the creature design is almost total rip off of WAR-LORDS FROM THE DEEP, the basic premise is a rip of CREATURE OF THE BLACK LAGOON and near the end the creature changes his pattern and rapes the Mayor's daughter, that's HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP. Another thing that made no sense is why? Why did the Aquanoids stop for 16 years? Another thing is the Mayor, a corrupt Mayor wouldn't be running around shooting people, that's what Thugs are for. Plus, they kill the Aquanoids and the Mayor tries to kill them anyway, HELLO! The evidence went boom into a billion pieces, there was no need for that. Plus when the Deputy kills the Mayor saving Venessa's life, he's arrested. He's a deputy, the Mayor had a gun, he had the right to do it. This is just stupid and a waste of time! Don't bother, I give it the NOOSE!

willywants This little gem opens in 1987, where two people are killed and dragged off-screen by an aquanoid. Cut to around 2003-ish, where we meet are heroin Vanessa, daughter of one of said killed persons from 1987, who's convinced aquanoids are still out there.Of course a new rash of killings begin, but its tourist season and two goofy-looking old guys decide not to let panic spread, so they decide to silence Vanessa. Of course, their plan fails.In the mean time, there's a ghastly mortician who likes to dissect things (While eating his lunch) who confirms that the mutilated bodies are indeed the work of an aquanoid. The two goofy-looking old guys cover it up by saying it was the work of a boating accident (We know this because one of the said goofy-looking old guys goes up to the mortician and says to his face; "BOATING ACCIDENT!").Vanessa and friends try to warn people of the imminent threat, but everyone thinks she's a nut job and completely ignores her warnings.Any ways, a group of kids go off and get killed, one gets impregnated and later in the mortician's office gives birth (Apparently in addition to having a mortician's license, he's also qualified to deliver a baby) to a monster that looks like a cross between the Fiji Mermaid and a carrot. The fiji-carrot thing gets dispatched of and the mortician is forced at gunpoint to tell a police officer what the hell's going on. Mortician tells him all, gets knocked out, police officer leaves, enter the two goofy-looking old guys. The girl who gave birth to the aquanoid is the daughter of one of the said goofy old guys, he's naturally disgruntled and the ghastly mortician once again gets interrogated at gunpoint. This time the mortician introduces the deceased baby fiji-carrot to them, saying; "Meet your new grandson!!!".Mortician gets dispatched of via bullet to the brain, the two goofy old guys leave and have a shoot out with a cop (During an incredibly exciting split-screen action scene). One of said goofy old guys is killed, as is the police officer, leaving one goofy old guy to stop Vanessa.Vanessa and friends go to the beach to kill the aquanoid (Apperantly there's only one), armed with all sorts of illegal weapons, go diving for said aquanoid, think they have it trapped and try to blow it up, resulting in an impressive CG explosion. Well, it's not dead, almost kills one of the said friends-of-Vanessa, gets blown up again, this time for good. HOWEVER, the one remaining goofy old guy is still out to get Vanessa, tries to shoot her with a sniper rifle, but gets dispatched of via harpoon-to-the-face by a police officer.The end.Wow. I thought I'd seen it all, until I saw Aquanoids. Everything about this film is top-notch, from the polished cinematography to the stunning camera work to the grade-A performances. The scene where Vanessa's friend admits he's her father was incredibly touching and powerful. It's a scene that will go down in film history for sure. The special effects were simply stunning. The cmaera work, well, is the most visually impressive I've ever seen, frankly. The screenplay is intelligent and thought-provoking and the direction is both awe-inspiring and mesmerizing. A great movie, and if you liked this I also recommend films like "Rodentz", "Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys" and "The Creeping Terror", which are also flawlessly excellent cinematic masterpieces.This film has truly changed my life, it's the most thought-provoking and emotionally devastating epic of the last century. It made me rethink my life, question who I am and what is real, and it will do the same for you.10/10