BA_Harrison A much better title for this low-rent Creepshow wannabe would have been Bedtime Stories because it's far more likely to send the viewer off to sleep than to scare them. With three incredibly mundane tales, directed with little flair or skill by Bob Cea, Andrzej Krakowski, and Jeff Mazzola (yes, it really took three people to direct this mess), the film belongs to the lowest echelon of horror anthologies, on a par with garbage like Creepshow III.The wraparound narrative sees a pair of guys, on the lookout for a party in the middle of nowhere, blowing a tyre after almost running down hot babe in distress Natalie (Jamie-Lynn Sigler), who has also been experiencing car trouble. Wandering into the woods in search of help, the trio meet a creepy park ranger (David Johansen), who claims to have arranged a tow truck for the trio; while they wait for it to arrive, the ranger tells some (supposedly) scary stories around his campfire...Story one has some jocks tormenting their school janitor, unaware that he is actually an escapee from the state facility for the criminally insane; story two features a gang of thugs who kill an native American Indian, smoke his hallucinogenic weed, experience some truly dreadful CGI creatures, and finally get their comeuppance when the Indian returns to suck out their youth; in story three, two girls plan a special evening of sexy fun and games to payback their boyfriends for their bad behaviour, but things go awry when a killer interrupts their party.Having already suffered three of the park ranger's mind-numbingly feeble tales of terror, the teens decide to make a run for it, lest there be a fourth; they make it to a strange night-club (where horror punk band The Misfits just happened to be playing a gig), but realise too late that they've made a big mistake.... as I did when I bought this dreck.

anxietyresister Come and sit by my campfire lads and lasses. Take a load off. Let me terrify and tantalise you with my tales. No, not of demons and ghouls and zombies, but how horrible a film can be on a 4 for £1 disc. This film in question is called Campfire Stories and like Creepshow and it's ilk, has three segments of 'scary' horror with a back-ended plot, in this case being of two young men suddenly getting a flat tyre on a road in the middle of nowhere at night when almost running over a girl who is having similar motoring difficulties. Together, the three sitting ducks try to find help in the surrounding woods.. and stumble across me and my charming little blaze!! Now at this point you may think you're in line for some terrifying tales of nastiness and woe, but you couldn't be more wrong!! The real horror is in how pathetically low budget each one is, and the dreadful acting will scare you out of your wits!! Because I like to be methodical, lets take each one at a time..Part 1: A mad dude in an asylum murders the head doctor and his nurse after a lot of mistreatment. Flash forward 20 years later, said psycho is now working at a caretaker at a school. Unfortunately a bunch of youths push him too hard, and when they go hunting him in the forest, Rambo has nothing on this guy's resourcefulness!! Apart from the visceral pleasure of seeing a bunch of jock a**holes get their just desserts, the predictable chase scenes and the cheesy blood-letting make this an instant flop. The killer is LAME too. 2/10Part 2: This is the best of the lot, though that's like saying drowning is preferable to being buried alive. Three kids on the run from the law for murdering a couple of pensioners spot an Indian in a cafe, follow him back to his trailer and kill him too.. just for his top class ganja. While smoking it though, they start to see some very weird hallucinations, and a transformation is about to take place.. The 'highlight' of this short film-within-a-film is seeing some truly awful PS1 quality special effects of a computer generated wolf and some snakes. Apart from that, it's the same old crap part deux, though the ending is a good idea which could have been scary if it was handled right.. Guess what? It isn't. 3/10 Part 3: Last but not least (that would be part 1) four teens go to a house for a night of debauchery. The guys wanna get drunk and have sex, the gals are looking for revenge for some perceived misdemeanor. And there's a strange deputy hanging outside with the IQ of a walnut. What is going to happen? Well I won't spoil things for you, but sufficed to say the person you THINK is the killer isn't the killer and the murders only take place in the last five minutes. Before then you'll have to tolerate the slowest build up since World War II, and a lesbian kiss which is a fake as plastic doggy-doo. So much for the grand finale. 2/10So that's it, apart from the conclusion to the bookended plot which is too stupid to even dignify with a comment. No serious gore, no nudity, no surprises, not even a teeny weeny sliver of camp value. Just a gigantic waste of time, all perpetrated by yours truly. You see, I made this film.. and I did it as bad as I could as an experiment to see how many punters would snap it up without reading reviews or asking their friend's advice first. Gullibility wins every time!! Now I know I can churn out as many crappy horror films as I want, safe in the knowledge that I will make a huge profit regardless of their awfulness!! Sleep tight y'all.. HA Ha ha ha ha.. *laughter fades to echo* 2/10

fed20122012 There were 2 American tragedies in 2001: the first being 9/11 the other being the release of this film. A harbinger of this film was while renting it, the women at the register couldn't get the security seal off. Buster Poindexter, I mean David Johansen, is the story teller of these three tales from the crypt, sorry , tales from the crap. I'll go as far as saying it's the best, no, only, anamorphic widescreen film ever made! There are many life lessons learned in this film however: 1. Don't ever get high off a Indian's bong, especially after you just killed him and are using his trailer. 2. Don't pretend to have a "broken" arm when its clear your "acting" and if your going to enlist the help of your friends to kill a mentally retarded handyman, don't have your weapons of choice be a croquet mallet, lacrosse stick, and a hockey stick. Your going to go kill a man, not the country club. Also, make sure they clear time in their schedule so they don't have to squeeze this in before their orthodontists appointment/ band practice. 3. Don't fake a lesbian kiss.4. Don't pick up people a mile away from their car and you never saw one. They are probably lying. Other than that, I found this movie quite enjoyable. Honest to God, I liked it more then Schindler's List, Titanic, and Saving Private Ryan combined. Those films ain't got sh*t on Campire "motherfu****'" Stories!

Lady-of-Rohan *MAJOR SPOILERS! PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK!*The movie begins with with a digital skull in a roaring campfire talking for about 6 minutes. Seriously, this thing talks for 6 minutes. I couldn't really tell what the heck it was saying because my friends were laughing hysterically so I couldn't hear. Does it really matter what it's saying? Anyways, it's still talking. When it finally finishes, we meet two guys who are on their way to a party in the woods (!) and they blow a tire and come across a girl who is stranded. While they look for help, they come across a creepy ranger/cop that demands that he tells them stories. The ranger/cop tells them three stories, and they are: 1 )A group of boys harass and attempt to kill a mentally insane janitor at school and find the time to beat the hell out of him after school. The janitor gets his revenge by torturing them and cutting off their heads with hacksaws. 2)Three stoner 20-something friends stalk and kill a Native Indian man for his peace pipe. They settle down and enjoy it when they get the life sucked out of them and turn into old people.3) A young girl is terrified that someone is stalking her and believes that it is her boyfriend that taped her and spread the dirty stuff all over the net. She seeks revenge with her best friend by taping their boyfriends in return. Everyone is murdered with a knife, and the audience doesn't know who is committing these grisly murders. They think its the crazy grandma (long story) but it's really the girl. The ranger/cop is done his story time and the threesters are finally allowed to go. The remaining 5 minutes are weird so try to follow along. The tow truck picks the kids up and drops them off at a place where they can make some phone calls. Inside is a weird night club with a Slipknot look-alike band playing. The two guys (where did the girl go?) look a little freaked out, go to the bartender for drinks, they turn around and all the bad guys from the the campfire stories are there in the club. They kill the boys, and the girl runs out screaming of the club and waves down a car and says, "Oh thank goodness you're here. I'm having some car trouble". She then turns to the camera, gives an evil grin, and her eyes turn red. Credits roll. I'm not sure that that evil grin means. Maybe the film makers are trying to make us believe that it was the girl who planned this all out. Who cares. It's a bad movie.Don't rent this film useless your prepared to have a really confused look on your face for 90 minutes. The acting is atrocious, as well and the special-effects (They really are special). The whole film looks like it was filmed with a handy cam. The production is typical High School project status. It probably cost $10 to make. 1/10