TheBlueHairedLawyer This is one of those films you couldn't pay me to watch, and don't get me wrong I'm an avid horror fan. But this movie made absolutely no sense whatsoever. The plot basically is about a brother and sister who had a curse put on them centuries ago that let them live forever, but to appear young they have to eat the internal organs of people they find. In the 20th century the wooded park they live in is becoming more public and less secluded, so they try to put off killing and have a child for the sole purpose of sacrificing her to remain young. The child grows up and runs away from home, meeting a little boy who was abandoned by his mom and a college-aged young man. The three of them band together as outsiders and eventually try to stop the cannibalistic serial killer couple from killing again. Well, you can say one thing for it, it sure is disgusting at some parts. If you're one of those fans of the "hospital horror" genre where in films people remove the organs of other people, this film is full of that. The characters were just plain bizarre, and don't get me started on the ending. The cannibal shooting laser beams from her eyes... confusing. I really wouldn't watch this movie if I were you.

lastliberal One of the infamous video nasties that were banned in Britain and released uncut two years ago.This was a strange film that took place over 12.000 years as Gar (Crackers Phinn) and Tra (Barbara Monker) we cursed until the wolves surround the moon again which 12 millenia. They then need to have a child and sacrifice her to get to heaven, or something like that.You can't look at this film as a piece of art, as it just goes in many different directs that don't make a lot of sense.The film claimed to introduce scream queen Linnea Quigley, but she had five previous films. Her whirlwind courtship and marriage to Gar ended as soon as she produced Bondi (Tamara Taylor).Add in some attempted rape, some almost incest, and some cannibalistic behavior by Gar and Tra, and you certainly have a nastie film.It ended as strangely as it began with some zombies and a shocker.It is an interesting piece of cinema history.

lost-in-limbo What to think? What to say? It's one of those. I couldn't keep my eyes off it, as there's something alluring about this ultra-disjointed and rough-around-the-edges schlock fest. It feels much older than it actually is. Maybe it's that elevator music that is the score? I don't care too much about it's bad rep, as you can't knock that it doesn't have it own sense of imagination (quite flip-out, boundless and senseless story-telling), however the execution is technically poor. Everything moves fast (too fast), as the story gets cluttered (as the time-line over the first half is rushed) with mangled and twisted ideas. It's a hard one to fathom. The exploitative script is interesting… to say the least. Some of the lines are amusingly laughable ("I'm sick of people trying to molest me" is said to a perverted young boy) and cracks out some very unlikely occurrences. All of this makes it quite an unpredictable smörgåsbord. Where else can you see two ancient cult siblings (a leaden Barbara Monker and… Crackers Phinn?) ripping open the stomachs of young kids and feeding on them to prevent premature ageing from a curse their mother bestowed on them for their cannibalism habits? Oh, that's an appetite. It's explicit, but primitive and clumsily staged. The FX effects for such a bare-bones production shouldn't really surprise how tatty they come across. The lumpy direction is unfocused and pacing can get sluggish. Towards the latter end there's an odd, abstract dream sequence that the female protagonist has that I liked how they presented it. The climax is spontaneously jaded and outlandishly baffling (with the best use of random laser eyes since 'The Dark (1979)"). Tacked on is a prolonged, surprise shock ending. Aldo Ray and Linda Quigley (two very watchable performers) also show up in minor parts. In the lead is an honest and more than capable Tamara Taylor.

The_Void You have to give this film a little bit of credit for the fact that it doesn't religiously follow the same old slasher plot line; but then most of this credit has to be taken away when you consider how rubbish the film is. Don't Go Near the Park is one of the films included on the Video Nasty list, but unfortunately this is one of the films that really isn't all that gory. The film features a few bloody scenes (one that turns up before the credits), but they all look so fake that they're impossible to really take seriously. The plot, which opens centuries in the past, takes influence from the vampire sub-genre, and follows a pair of siblings who find themselves doomed to walk the Earth for all eternity after abusing their tribe's tradition for eternal youth. They are given one chance to break this curse, however, as they must sacrifice a virgin (who is also a descendant from the tribe) in return for their souls at a certain point during the lunar cycle. This leads the male of the duo to marry the first young woman he bumps into, and this means that their daughter is the one who must be sacrificed...Of course, this plot is silly and is never going to lead to a great film; but I really do think that if this had better production values, it could have been a decent little flick. The script includes some good ideas, and the plot doesn't play out exactly as you'd expect it to; although it does suffer from a load of ridiculous happenings and coincidences. The acting is rubbish, and sees Tamara Taylor give a very irritating performance in the lead role. Aldo Ray and Meeno Peluce are ineffective in their roles, and the only standout performance in the film comes from Linnea Quigley, although her part doesn't allow her do much, and is only memorable because she would go on to make quite an impression in several other eighties horror films. The title of the movie gives you the notion that the film is another exploitation flick along the same lines of The Last House on the Left or Don't Go in the Woods, and I can see this leading to annoyance for people who weren't expecting a fantasy horror movie. On the whole, this really isn't a very good film - but it's more imaginative than a lot of its ilk, and while I won't see it again; I've got to admit that I did rather enjoy watching it.