capone666 ElvesThe favourite holiday song amongst skinheads everywhere has to be White Christmas.Unfortunately, this horror movie doesn't exactly detail the preferred Christmas carols of The Nazis Party.When Kirsten's (Julie Austin) blood inadvertently awakens a demented Christmas elf, she engages a decades old Nazis experiment that would see elf and Aryan blood mixed to create a master race.Hiding out from her Neo-Nazis pursues in a department store, Kirsten receives help from the store's Santa (Dan Haggerty), an ex-cop secretly living in the store. Now, the only way to stop the Christmas Elf from draining her blood is with the elf-stone, which is in the possession of Kirsten's Nazis grandfather.A festive pairing of fascism, demonism and commercialism, Elves' is a seasonal treat crammed with ridiculous dialogue, campy special effects and incompetent acting.Besides, if the Nazis were to combine elf and human blood together they would get Santa Claus.Red Lightvidiotreviews.blogspot.ca

Woodyanders Bad "Gremlins" rip-offs were all the rage in the mid to late 80's. Foremost among this ignoble bunch of 80's formula schlock horror swill are "Hobgoblins," "Spookies," "Ghoulies," "Munchies," and "Leprechaun." But this stupendously stinky low-budget direct-to-video dud somehow manages to go that extra shabby mile so it can qualify as the single most supremely shoddy "Gremlins" cash-in copy to ever crawl its shameful way onto celluloid.The strictly by-the-numbers plot revolves around an obnoxious virginal teen bimbo (the highly annoying and less than endearing Julie Austin) who's just turned 17; the stupid adolescent brat accidentally awakens a bogus-looking, none-too-frightening monster which was created by the bimbo's crippled ex-Nazi grandfather. The unsightly dwarf creature has to mate with the bimbo so that a new Aryan race can be created and subsequently start a Fourth Reich. Also involved in the asinine story are a gaggle of pistol-packing neo-Nazi scumballs who bleed foamy liquid when shoot (this odd trait is never explained) and a groggy Dan "Grizzly Adams" Haggerty as a boozy, chain-smoking, yet still heroic department store Santa.This groan-inducing cinematic abomination strikes out something terrible on all the essential film bases: we've got bland, unbecoming performances from a noticeably disinterested cast, chintzy production values, a confused, hard to follow (and swallow) messed-up script, flat direction, sluggish pacing, and a very terrible inexpressive plastic beast that isn't even an elf -- it's a lousy troll instead (boo! hiss!). Despite a few severely fumbled should-be nifty murder set pieces -- a lecherous department store Santa gets gruesomely castrated by the troll, "Land of the Giants" TV show star Deanna Lund as our teen heroine's nasty bitch stepmother winds up eating some seriously lethal amps when the troll tosses a radio in the bath tub she's soaking in -- this thoroughly atrocious clunker is nonetheless well worth avoiding altogether.

reverendtom No doubt about it, this is one piece of cinematic crap if there ever was one. But, it is likable in several respects. One, Dan Haggerty, he of golden mane (is it gold from all the cigarettes he smokes?) and large belly and beard. Two, the Elf doll is hilariously cheesy. It is like watching someone play with a toy. The thing must only have like one moving part. Three, the dialog is hilarious and the acting is horrendous. As a so bad its funny film, its definitely worth wasting an hour and a half on. But beyond that, this is really crappy. Even as a so bad its funny schlockfest, it could have been much better. It gets bogged down in an absurd conspiracy story about Nazis and the fourth Reich, so on. Although this retarded back story results in a great scene where a professor explains to Marlboro Man Haggerty ( actually they were Camels) the history of Nazis and elves at his Christmas dinner table. The name is false, as well, as there is only one elf.

brokenlovesongs OK, I'm normally not the kind of guy who thinks bad movies are funny. If I see a movie that is truly terrible, then I may have a couple of laughs, but I will be disappointed overall. That's why I am finding it hard to say, as nearly everybody who has seen the film does, that Elves is a bad movie. I loved it. I don't think that I have ever laughed so hard at a movie in all of my life. Here's a memorable quote. Grizzly Adams, let me repeat, GRIZZLY ADAMS: "Tell me about the connection between the elves and the Nazis." If you find this line at all interesting or humorous then I have to say, SEE ELVES. The story: A Nazi grandfather has selectively inbred to create a girl who, when impregnated by an elf, will create the Nazi 4th Reich: An army of Nazi elves who will take over the world! Yeah, this plot is incredibly stupid, but you have to admit that whoever thought up this idea was a pretty creative individual, and I give him a lot of credit. The movie follows the young girl who is being hunted by a sex crazed elf and Grizzly Adams' character, who is doing everything in his power to try and help the girl. Grizzly is pursued by a group of unknown men who are attempting to stop his hunt for the elf at any cost. This results in an especially gut-busting scene in which we see Grizzly Adams dive roll out of a speeding car right before it explodes. HAHA! I'm laughing right now just thinking about it. Do you want to see a perverted department store Santa killed by a mutant elf who stabs him repeatably in the genitalia? See Elves. The acting is great, and by great a mean absolutely hilarious; it's NOT that bad, it's just really funny. I suppose I am really hyping this movie up. I watched it with a large group of friends who all claimed that the movie was bad, and yet they were laughing just as hard as me through the whole thing. Maybe you will think Elves is a bad movie, but I'm sure you'll get a kick out of it.