Bezenby It post-apocalypse time again! Everyone's decked out in leather gear, with open top jeeps and machine guns. There's mutant cannibals and weird cults, bad hair and a heavy metal soundtrack. Everything's fine in the Empire of Ash, except there's not much ash and plenty of greenery. In a post-apocalyptic world where cultivation is easily done, couldn't everyone get along and do a bit of farming?Of course not! It's time to strap on an M16 and blow away loads of people! This film has Big Bill Smith as the high priest of a cult trying to breed some old guy called the Grand Shepherd with some young fillies, and that's about all the plot I understood there because I couldn't make out a single thing Bill Smith was saying. You've also got a lady called Danielle wasting all the bad guys, her arms dealing buddies and a young guy who's mum got killed (this guy also has the best 'Nooooo!' scene ever, so extra points there). It's all just gun fights, explosions, boobs and cannibals, and nothing to worry about. What more do you need from a post-apocalyptic film? Nude oil massage? Well, there's one in here too! Empire of Ash 3 is just what you need - all thrills and no brains. Recommended!

zeppo-2 A pretty accurate quote from one of the characters in this bizarre post nuclear holocaust disaster film. Really it's a type of 'West Side Story' but without the singing and dancing, as two gangs try to take over what is left of the earth. Why bother, you might say? And could be right after you watch this fairly inept film. Lots of smoke and explosions and fights but not a lot in the way of plot or logic. But if you lower your criteria, this can be fun at times.It starts off as 'Mad Max,' then a bit of 'Porkys,' before a twinning of 'Cannibal Holocaust' with 'Dawn of the Dead.'The director must have realised this wasn't the masterpiece he was hoping for and to keep people's (read that as 'men') interest in it, he throws in lots of gratuitous nudity. Every woman here seems to need to take a shower/wash at the most inopportune moments. They even manage to sneak in a game of strip poker while waiting to be attacked. Also strong lesbian and S&M overtones too to keep everyone happy!And see if the ancient old man kept alive by the blood of the living, isn't a bit like Young Mr Grace from long running British sitcom, 'Are you been served?'

Paul Morris Another of the endless post-apocalyptic dramas out there that for a change lays the blame for the end of mankind at a "plague", and not a nuclear war! The film starts with some survivors having a meeting about a band of vicious killers who are targeting them for no reason other than to have complete control over "New Idaho". Half-way through their meeting, these killers (led by William Smith in a cape) show up and sure enough shoot the lot of them, apart from a mother/son combo who manage to get away, and the group's leader (an old guy) and his daughter (a hot blonde), who are captured by Lucas and his posse (which includes an apparent lesbian second-in-command), and taken back to their headquarters (a castle on a bridge) to be held prisoner and interrogated.The daughter just happens to be the surviving son's girlfriend and he is most distressed about leaving her. He tells his mother that he wants to go back and save her (he "knows" she is alive, even though he didn't see her get captured), but while they are on the run some more of Lucas's band of merry men, all done-up in the usual leather-n-chain outfits of the post-apocalyptic era, appear and kill mom. Luckily for sonny (his name is Harris), a seemingly-random tough-nut woman out on a joyride in her futuristic jeep spots the commotion and saves Harris from the same fate as his mother, by blowing the evil gang away. She (Danielle) befriends Harris and takes him back to her hide-out, which is an open camp run by two Vietnam-vets. They are planning an assault on Lucas's fortress, and Lucas knows all about it. That's why he wants Harris's girlfriend's father, who is knowledgeable in their whereabouts and wants to send out his gang to kill them before they can do the same to him. He puts the daughter in all kind of perilous situations (including what appears to be lesbian rape from the second-in-command!) to make him talk, and once he does, the second-in-command blows his brains out. Then, after she and the gang is sent out to find the vets (or "arms dealers") and Danielle, etc, Lucas reveals his big plan for the daughter - he wants her to carry the baby of his own father to keep their little "tribe" going into the future and honor his father's wishes! Once that bizarre revelation is out of the way, the movie kicks into more high-gear with endless action sequences and mind-boggling scenes. Watch Harris, Danielle and the vets battle cannibal survivors of the plague, Lucas's army and boredom as they play strip-poker with two blondes (who keep losing and must strip, of course)! They also have a prisoner, who was the arms expert of Lucas's gang, and a computer that talks with a female voice and can fly a helicopter just from sitting on the seat. There are copious amounts of action, which are all horrendously executed, thanks to the films low, low budget. People get shot without squibs (well, some of them), and in most cases the explosions are little more than sparks and smoke cannisters, while the same people are shot over and over again. All of the gunshot sound effects are almost muted, and you can barely hear the damn things go off, while every other sound is loud as day. That was a real bizarre element of the film. The acting of course is pathetic, and the old guy who is supposed to be Lucas's father is clearly middle-aged and wearing excessive make-up and a terrible wig. Check out the bogus abrupt ending, and the "futuristic" cars that are totally trashed on the exterior, but have perfect engines and tires. Oh, and thankfully the hot blonde daughter (Claudia) is spared her "rape" by the old fool in the nick of time. The girls and the wacky action sequences might be enough for you to enjoy this film, but it's certainly an odd-ball!

Nathan Fleischauer (BionicEverAfter) Being a fan of bad movies I couldn't take my eyes off of this horrible post apocalyptic playground of bad acting, and the hilarious special effects.It's an action movie full of explosions and whaling guitar solo's throughout. Everyone is leatherclad and 80's. One of the best parts of this movie is extras who were clearly killed in battle reappear only to be killed again; that is they reuse the same actors, with no costume change.Another amazing piece of movie magic is the apple 2e defense system that protects the rebel stronghold. It's just that and apple 2e with its pastel colored confetti screen saver on every scene. This clever futuristic defense computer was also given a women's voice with no effect other than the women trying to sound like a computer. Where there plot holes you ask? Well, no noticeable ones, but you have to have a plot to have plot holes. In conclusion and in summery this movie sucked so good. I loved it. If you are a fan of bad movies check this one out, you will be pleasantly disgusted.