wrightiswright The Internet acronym LMFAO = Laughing my ****ing a**e off. What I did throughout most of whatever the hell this is.On some sort of primitive Amazonian island, where the cut off inhabitants can still apparently have access to breast augmentation, tattoos, bikinis and metal weapons, a baby is found by an errant wanderer. Flash forward 18 years, and said kid has been raised in mainstream society. She can somehow beat up four blokes twice her size even while drunk, and is the victim of two tiresome montages featuring a couple of the worst songs I've ever heard.Wait, it gets better. She's invited along on an army expedition on the same isle she was discovered on (this is just a coincidence, by the way) and en route, the helicopter crashes. Problem is... We never SEE the collision, just a flash of white light. Obviously a victim of the high-end budget. As the only survivor, she is swiftly abducted by the resident female warriors, where she is almost immediately recognised (don't ask how) as their missing child from almost two decades ago, and consequently made queen.Why does she accept all this so quickly? Why is she ready to give up on her old life just like THAT? How do this band of ladies procreate with no men around? Believe me, this is NOT a film to be asking questions. By doing so, you're likely end up in a straitjacket... This truly is a movie where the concept ( a bunch of Playboy rejects bounce around in minimal clothing for just over an hour) seems to have originated long before the script.But WHAT script? This crap could have been made up on the spot. And that goes for the music too, which seems to have been put together by tone death monkeys on kazoos. The attempts at drama are so beyond parody, it's amazing the camera doesn't shake with laughter from the director at the pathetic pouting they call performing. In fact, I'm surprised ANYONE involved in the... Thing... could keep a straight face. Perhaps they were all on something, at the time of production (actually, that would explain a LOT).I end with talking about the final 'battle', an exercise in such dismal amateurishness that it had me in absolute hysterics. These bimbettes take on a small army of trained soldiers in their swimsuits, in what must be the most horribly choreographed fight scene I've watched. The weapons NEVER make contact. A small tap sends a 6ft tall bloke hurtling through the air. We don't see anyone die... And yet, there are graves galore at the end.If I handed out points for unintentional hilarity, this would comfortably be the best comedy I've seen this year. Alas, I do not. 0/10

b9robot I can't believe I actually sat through the whole movie! I could forgive just about everything that is wrong with this film (there's a lot wrong, believe me) if it was a college project or a home-grown piece of fun that a bunch of friends got together to make. But, as a commercial release, a viewing audience is far less tolerant. The pacing, mostly a result of really bad editing, barely gets past a crawl. Long, drawn out and repetitive shots abound, trying to make the most of the female eye candy on screen. All it succeeded in doing is boring me to death. Even with a bevy of quite attractive women, you need at least some acting chops to carry the story, as vapid as it is. Oh, here's a hint girls, acting angry does not mean you yell your lines unintelligibly straight at the camera...Fight choreography was non-existent. The final battle was completely laughable, stealing beats from 'Avatar' in the lead up to it. A group of bikini clad women sporting cast off swords and shields from '300' up against a bunch of mercenary grunts three times their size and armed to the teeth just looked like a bad joke, one which the director unbelievably followed through with.I would have given away the idea of watching it at all if I hadn't been laughing so hard. This is a film that will likely not even see the discount bins at any reputable store. Definitely one to avoid.

gulag I've been interested in the bizarre 'Jungle Girl' genre lately. So I bought Inara as one of the more recent examples. I generally don't go out of my way to write a review on every film I've seen. Yet this film compelled me to do so.Where to begin? Some folks are just going to say this a badly made film. That's both understatement and a bit too harsh. Obviously on some level this was a labor of love. And it seems to have been made by rather timid fanboys. They seemed completely amazed to get to lens skimpily attired women and have absolutely no idea what to do next.The story? Girl discovers she an Amazon queen after living a pointless life in the 'real' world. There is a little room for a good story here. But very little room.The plot? Now we know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall. It's astounding how often you just ask yourself "Why is this happening?' 'How could that happen?' Why does Inara wear hyper sexy clothes as part of her paramilitary unit. Why does the plane crash? Why do the women all wear Maybelline eyeshadow in the jungle? Why is there no nudity yet so much suggestion of titillation? And even finally how could Inara remember her mother when she was still in swaddling cloths? And I could list inconsistencies all night long. Or just plain puzzles: Where do these women come from? Why are they all around the same age? Why are they so ethnically diverse? Why do they speak another language? And then they can also speak English? Do they reproduce? And how is it that they all went to yoga class together in the jungle? Also we needed acres of exposition to grasp what in the world we were watching and we didn't get it. Except in one scene where a senior officer is explaining something for far too long.Acting? The little girl did a little of it. After that? Wow. Someone mentioned that they used a bunch of female wrestlers. called Ring Divas. I can believe it. Where did they get those names? Cali Danger. Destiny Dumon. Empress Sayuri. Now dear Cali could actually turn into an actress. There is something fascinating about her. But in order to do that she's really going to need help from the director, she didn't get any here.Directing? When? It's curious that with all of the DVD commentaries and special features these days that this director seems to have actually absorbed very little about the craft of directing. Scenes go on interminably without a drop of tension or interest. The final battle seems to have been run through once hastily. And why didn't these machine gun toting mercs just blast away? Why did they fight them with machetes? Okay so let's say you do have a final hand to hand battle, I don't remember seeing a drop of blood. And what was the point of the whole film? Was it a vaguely politically correct jungle movie about female empowerment? Since when are jungle movies ever politically correct? That's the reason they are interesting.Now apart from the bad directing, acting, music (don't even get me started) etc there were a couple of good points. First of all occasionally the cinematography was good. In fact it made the women stand out in the lush greens and nighttime shots. It's a shame they didn't have anything to do. Also Cali Danger may not be much of an actress yet. Nevertheless she has some odd charisma, she needs to find a better project. Evidently this film was conceived and shot in North Carolina. Two cheers for the regional filmmaking and marketing. And they have marketed their little film with more moxy than went into the actual filming.And finally I believe that in ten to twenty years from now this film will be a cult film of the so-bad-it's-funny category. I found myself hollering at the screen, something I rarely do. And I can imagine that in some strange way this film will have a weird life of its own.Perhaps one day someone will make a serious Jungle Girl movie? It hasn't happened yet.

simon-trek This film tells the story of a military girl named Inara, whose soldier father dies after a failed mission on a remote island called N'iah. The military is interested in the island because it has resources such as oil and metals. Inara hoping to learn more about her father, joins another mission to N'iah. The military plane crashes on the island and Inara is apparently the only survivor. Inara finds that the island is inhabited by a tribe of Amazon warriors. Inara is at first treated as an enemy, but eventually Inara and the Amazons learn that she has a special connection to the tribe. So Inara joins the tribe and helps them fight the military invaders.Now I admit this movie doesn't have much depth and the acting in this film isn't brilliant. Inara's military uniform includes a crop top and the Amazons wear only leather bikinis so this movie has a lot of sex appeal. But there are several things I like about this movie apart from all the girls in bikinis. Inara is a troubled young woman who is as strong as she is pretty. She also has difficulty fitting in as she is disliked by the other soldiers in the military. When Inara meets the Amazons, she ends up finding a lot more than just the truth about her father. She also finds herself and her true destiny. I liked the scene where Inara makes a speech to the Amazons. It reminds me a lot of the speech Jake Sully made to the Na'vi in the Avatar movie. So in a way this movie has a similar theme to Avatar. One of my favourite and one of the biggest scenes in this film is the battle between the Amazons and the soldiers. Although the Amazons are primitive and use only swords and shields to fight the soldiers, they are able to win the battle. So this film is enjoyable in some ways and I recommend it.