Leofwine_draca Every fan has their guilty pleasure, the one film they enjoy whilst just about everyone else hates and loathes it. KILLER'S MOON is such a film for me, an infamously shoddy bad-taste production in which just about everything is god-awful: sub-par editing, atrocious acting, dialogue written as if by a drug-addicted loon. Director Alan Birkinshaw (a very minor personality in British exploitation stakes) goes out of his way to deliver helping upon helping of over-the-top nastiness which amazingly managed to get through the BBFC with an 'X' certificate back in the days of its first release. A video release followed in the very early '80s, but otherwise this crummy wannabe slasher-epic has rarely seen the light of day and is mostly forgotten by fans of mainstream horror. KILLER'S MOON transcends its many limitations to become a schlocky masterpiece of so-bad-it's-good entertainment; a laugh riot throughout and for all the wrong reasons.Birkinshaw seems to be going out of his way to make an offensive movie right from the start, when a bleeding, three-legged dog limps into view - apparently the fourth limb has been severed, by persons unknown! The setting is an effectively barren Lake District, which is one of the film's finest points: the isolated atmosphere of the British landscape really comes across and gives the movie an ideal setting, as in much the same way as a film like THE LIVING DEAD AT THE MANCHESTER MORGUE for instance. Cold, gloomy, yet still attractively lush with greenery in places, the setting is ideal. Into this forbidding landscape comes a coach full of clichéd '70s schoolgirls, all into singing "Greensleeves" before their trip goes awry when the coach breaks down and they are forced to trek through the woods to the nearest place of salvation - a closed down hotel.So far, so good, although you'll have already realised by now that this isn't the paciest of movies. The slow nature of the film may be off putting to those looking for faster, more serious scares, but let's face it, nobody here had a lot of budget to work with so things necessarily must be dragged out and laboured. And just as the film looks to become a bit boring, in come four of the most outrageous film characters to liven it up. Nevermind that they're all loonies from the local asylum - here the mentally ill are portrayed as evil, twisted psychopaths with no redeeming values, three ending up brutally killed as a result of their own crimes, the fourth finally resembling a pathetic child of a man. A CLOCKWORK ORANGE is the big influence here, both in the characters' attire and their choice of names ("Mr Smith, Mr Muldoon... Mr Trubshaw" - I mean, please!), and also in the way in which they casually go about raping and murdering all in their path. The idea that they believe they're living out all their worst desires in a safe dream-world is a clever one, giving the movie the one spark of minor originality and interest which it otherwise lacks.What follows is a catalogue of atrocities, all played out in a commendably straight-faced manner. Cats have their tails cruelly lopped off; shrewish housewives are pinned to their own doors with kitchen knives; all manner of young and attractive schoolgirls are stripped and violated by the scheming mad men (watch those nightdresses, which seem to fall off suspiciously easily). Even the comedic coach driver (as played by the inimitable "Chubby" Oates - I wonder what became of him?) gets an axe in the head. It goes without saying that the minor gore effects here are pathetically done and very unconvincing, with the body-on-the-door gag being the only real "special effect" of the bunch. Of course, what goes around comes around, and eventually the bad guys are offed by dog-mauling, fire, and scythes to the back, in that order. The fourth guy (get this) dresses up the charred corpse of one of his former friends in a female wig and shirt and cries in its lap, apparently looking for comfort from his "mother"! The acting is unbelievably bad, all amateurish and no familiar faces to be seen. The actresses playing the schoolgirls have all obviously been picked for their lack of inhibitions rather than anything else, whilst the guys playing the killers go way over the top with some of the most outrageous, hammiest acting you're ever likely to see in a British horror production of the '70s. Even the American (?) hero, Mike, is played by a really wooden bloke. So why does this film work for me? For a start, the dialogue, which is positively ringing with classic gems of priceless ineptitude, including the legendarily bad summing-up of the situation the characters find themselves in: "Blood on the moon, one mangled dog, one missing axe, and one lost girl who just found a body at the wrong end of the axe. How's that for the great English outdoors?". Then there are the over-acting guys, who turn the wannabe figures of terror into laughable buffoons, the abundance of poor effects work, unpredictable events and cheesy heroes. Birkinshaw, I salute you, for making one of the last great stands in British exploitation cinema history!

Rich Wright A coachload of schoolgirls on a tour of Britain singing choir songs has to make an emergency stop in the middle of nowhere because their vehicle has broken down. There are four escaped mental patients on the loose, who have been hypnotised into thinking everything they do is a dream.. allowing them to fulfill their darkest fantasies. Here's a newsflash: Their paths cross at some point. Luckily, they have a three legged dog on their side, and two blokes camped on the moors come to their aid. I don't think much of the ladies night attire, though...Fay Weldon did some work on the script of this slasher, which later she claimed was a 'terrible mistake' as her written dialogue turned it into a cult film. Pardon me for taking the wind out of your sails Ms Weldon, but I didn't hear anything remotely witty or sparkling during the course of the film. What did catch my ear was loads of verbal diarrhea from our resident quartet of on-the-run loonies. Who ever thought insanity could be so... dreary?And to think, it all starts off decently enough, with a nice set-up to provide the template for a satisfactory horror. Then, the weirdos show up, prancing around as if trying out for cabaret, spouting their absolute drivel... and we can't take them seriously. Whatever mood the director tried to establish is more-or-less ruined by these four walking bad jokes. They're not frightening in any way, just bloody annoying. After listening to them for minutes on end, death would almost be a mercy. 4/10

Maureen I heard Jo Goode talking about Killer's Moon on the radio with director Alan Birkinshaw, and I thought if Jo liked it, then maybe I would like it too. Being a female, I don't really go in for horror movies, but I enjoy the CSI type programmes on TV, and there's a first time for everything so I bought a DVD. I wasn't sure what to expect, but when I viewed it I was very pleasantly surprised. What a great little horror movie (perhaps it should be terror movie?) this is. I like things quintessentially English, and that is precisely what this movie is. The plot was straight forward but with a difference; the script by Ms Fay Weldon added to the intrigue – at least it was intelligently written unlike so much other trash one sees at the movies. And the acting was pretty good. In fact, having heard him being interviewed on the radio, I think the director did a marvellous job. I was frightened when I should have been. I liked the contrast between the goodies and the baddies. I simply loved the doggy. What didn't I like about it? Well, I didn't like it when the dog died. But if they make Killer's Moon 2, I will be queueing up to go and see it at the cinema.

Colin Keltie Now come on. Killer's Moon occupies a special spot in my heart for a number of reasons. Firstly, I was ten years old when it came out, and being mad for the horror flick, I remember wishing I was just that little bit bigger: big enough to blag my way into an "X" so I could see for myself what all this lurid stuff was really about! Happily, being a glandular freak, it wasn't too much longer before I was able to enjoy an illicit euroslash treat down the local fleapit whilst supposedly going to see "Empire Strikes Back". Hah! So years later I've caught up with Killer's Moon (around about 1985 as it goes) and y'know what? It has never disappointed me since. It's got its charming little flaws: so what? So it's not a highly polished, taught, edge-of-the-seat number: so what? The Hollywood machine, in the years since 1978, has learned to squeeze out dozens of highly polished, taught, edge-of-the-seat numbers - most of which are excrement. You tell me in all honesty that "The Ring 2" or "Cursed" are better efforts than Killer's Moon and I'll eat the dog's remaining legs.What Killer's Moon does for me is takes me back to reading 2000ad, watching "Crown Court" and catching trailers for "Food of the Gods/Squirm (from Friday)" and wishing I was grown up enough to see them. Now I am grown up enough to see them, they are every bit as good as I expected.So, away with your effete whining. Honestly, some of you moan it's sick, others moan it's not graphic enough, others moan that it's inept. What it's got is a lot of heart and soul (and half naked ladies). Killer's Moon is the "Eddie the Eagle" of genre cinema: you kind of know it's rubbish, but it leaves you with a warm glow, cheering it on.Killer's Moon will always make my top five, and I'm never wrong about anything, so put that in your collective pipes and smoke it!