FlashCallahan Glendon Wasey is a fortune hunter looking for a fast track out of China. Gloria Tatlock is a missionary nurse seeking the curing powers of opium for her patients. Fate sets them on a hectic, exotic, and even romantic quest for stolen drugs. But they are up against every thug and smuggler in Shanghai.....If you ever want to see a film starring a married couple who have zero chemistry in a movie, then this is a must.It's labelled as an adventure romance, so you'd be forgiven to think your about to watch a homage to Indiana Jone ps by way of romancing the stone. Instead you get a film that is more like a homage to Firewalker, by way of Allan Quartemain in the eighties, and every bit as bad as it sounds.We have Paul Freeman pretending to be an old Oirish clergyman, and the big reveal at the end is wasted, because we see him without his contacts in for at least five minutes before he goes 'ta da'.There's a man with porcelain hands, Penn looks like he's been taking some sort if narcotic throughout filing, and Madonna, is supposed to be a virginal missionary.......Isn't it all hilarious.It's dreck of the highest order, and no wonder they broke up after this, I hated everybody after sitting through it.Devoid of almost anything, it's a surprise it didn't sink Handmade pictures....

moonspinner55 In 1938 China, a pretty but prim missionary needs to find a hidden stash of smuggled opium (for medicinal purposes!) and attempts to recruit the help of a ratty-looking con-man; his latest get-rich-quick scheme is glow-in-the-dark ties! After an OK opening (without Sean Penn and Madonna), this falls completely apart, weighed down by lethargic attempts at screwball comedy and no chemistry whatsoever between the leads (then a married couple). Based on Tony Kenrick's novel "Faraday's Flowers" (a better title), this failure from George Harrison's HandMade Films must have been a devastating blow to the ex-Beatle, who also executive produced, co-wrote the score and wrote and performed the songs (which are heavy on the camp-Asian allure). Just getting through the picture is a chore, and everything about it seems eternally misjudged. NO STARS from ****

CTS-1 OK. So someone took an A-list actor and his famous singer/ part time kind of-sort of actress wife and decided that the movie would be carried on the weight of the names alone. Substitute "fiancee" for wife and one has Gigli.But it is not- it is Shanghai Surprise, possibly the most ill-conceived movie of the 1980's (and yes, I have seen "Hobgoblins.")This movie has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Ridiculous plot, painfully bad acting (Madonna as a missionary? She didn't buy it either, so she says her lines in a flat tone which just screams "get me out of this costume and get me my check"), cinematography worthy of an old episode of "Fantasy Island," lame ending.If, by some chance, you stumble across a copy of this in an unused corner of your local video rental store, call your local hazardous waste disposal hotline- do not rent it.But do not forget that this horror exists. Some people forgot- and thus "Gigli" was born.

westpac Who thought this up? It must have looked brilliant when they got Sean and Madonna in the same movie. Unfortunately Sean goes through the whole movie looking like a kid pretending he's in a movie and Madonna as usual just plays herself, badly. Nothing to see here, move along folks...