lost-in-limbo
Terrible, but amusing nonsense starring low-grade, but hardy action star Lorenzo Lamas (known as soldier --- even his sister calls him that) going Rambo (as he was originally a member of an elite marine squad; Snake Eaters) on some backwoods inbred yokels (with names like Junior, Slim, Eli) that murdered his parents and kidnap his sister while on a houseboat holiday. This tears him up… but vengeance is oh so sweet. He's quite handy in constructing booby traps, but the guy doesn't seem much of elite solider as he struggles to dispose of these hillbillies.The film starts off quite strangely (you know some bonding time to get to know the cool, collected soldier - well kind of), as now he's a cop, an undercover one, a rouge, a ladies man who learns of the bad news (but before that he nails down some trouble in a botched drug bust and busts teeth in a bar brawl), so off south he goes encounters local old man who likes him, also rude locals, ugly locals that don't, shows them a picture, a lovely picture of his sis, dribble, nothing but profanity in response, soldier doesn't like that, trouble occurs, he inflicts pain, he receives pain, old man to the rescue, well not so, now old man's daughter to the rescue, takes soldier home, it hurts, lays down, rests, wakes up, gets rubbed, with oil, pretends sleeping, old man's daughter finds out, chats up old man's daughter, sleeps again, cries about his Harley, hey lets turn it into a jet ski, makes a bomb, uses the bomb, rides up the river, hit's a hillbilly snag, ends up in the river, hillbillies' yahooing, goes wandering, in the swamps, gets bored, becomes resourceful, makes traps, hides in the dark, hillbillies go a hunting, old man turns up, drunk, rambling, encounters unfriendly hicks, no a bear, really hicks, pretending to be a bear, now old man's daughter turns up, destroys soldier's awesome set-up, standoff occurs, insults fly, one hillbilly dead, traps work, oh no, captured, sorry its my fault, end up in sleeping bags, hanging from trees, left to die, dry up, one hillbilly returns, gets randy, tries to get it on, but stabs himself in the moment, No more hanging, what to do, is that the old man, dead, crying, sobbing, old man's daughter gets help, emotions run high, soldier finds his sister, hillbillies everywhere, shotgun blasts, tractor driving and one-one-one combat, someone's head goes squish, Soldier and sister are together again. In the end we know how it goes they live happily ever after. Oh lets not forget the interplay between Junior who just wants to get it on with soldier's sister, but something always gets in the way and there's a love triangle stirring with Junior's sister Sissy who doesn't like the competition. Quite riveting. … Well a soldier's work is never done, because for the last 5 mins he ends up taking on an arsonist. Quite unnecessary to everything that has gone before it, but very amusing nonetheless.Everything about it is cheap, tacky and daft but it remains constantly entertaining in its fundamental, if over-the-top nature. Lousy or eccentric acting (hey it's Ron Palillo), grungy setting and low-grade cartoon-like thrills aplenty. Some atmospheric scenes arrive from the night time sequences in the backwoods, but for most it's laughable and filled with padded out filler. "As dirty as Dirty Harry, as dangerous as Deliverance" Nice tag-line, but I think not.
bth2004
First, let's all agree that Lorenzo Lamas could never be considered a skilled actor, barely even decent, sometimes just plain lousy. However, in this piece of @*!^ called SnakeEater, the film industry as a whole sank.First, let's start with the plot. A Vietnam vet named Jack Kelly, aka Soldier (who is supposed to be as tough as a strap of leather and then some, which you can believe when he shoves a palate of nails through 2 guys' feet and pins them to the floor), gets word that his family has been killed and his sister kidnapped. Therefore he goes on a solo mission to save his sister. Had some potential, but still pretty thin to begin with.Now, the acting. Being an actor myself, I am qualified to say that this was some of the WORST acting in the history of the art!!!!! Lamas is, well, himself. The jackasses playing the Clampets/Deliverance rejects should be strung up and shot for their so-called performances which are insulting to actors everywhere, especially talented ones who never get their big break!Finally, the action. The gunfighting is so-so at BEST, and the fist-fighting is deplorable. I've seen more real-looking fights at the Renaissance Festival (and those were pretty fake-looking)!Readers, listen to me: AVOID THIS PIECE OF CACA AT ALL COSTS! IF IT WERE THE ONLY FILM IN EXISTENCE, YOU STILL WOULD WANT TO AVOID IT! For the sake of your brain-cell count, do NOT watch this thing!
callanvass
This is a really bad film, with bad acting and a very boring pace Lorenzo Lamas is really cool though!. All the characters are just annoying (except Lamas), and there is absolutely no one to root or to care for!, plus the action is very boring. The film gives us 3 villains who were supposed to find menacing and disturbing when in fact there boring, laughable and just a bunch of morons that i wanted to shut up!, plus it looks very cheap and amateurish!. Lorenzo Lamas has a lot of charisma but he can't save this piece of crap, and believe it or not the opening was really cool, as was the ending, however the middle is incredibly boring, and got me to have the urge to press the fast forward button!, plus The dialog is especially laughable!.There is a cool bar scene that i really liked, but once Lamas heads to the dock it all falls apart, plus the scene where The villains torture Jennifer's family, and kills them were supposed to find it disturbing when it in fact is laughable!. This is a really bad film, with bad acting and a very boring pace, Lorenzo Lamas is really cool though!, however it is not enough, not recommended. The Direction is very bad. George Erschbamer does a very bad job here, with mediocre camera work, bland location, and keeping the film at a boring pace. The Acting is pretty bad (except for Lamas). Lorenzo Lamas is awesome here, and while he isn't required to act, he is quite fun to watch, and has a really cool character, and had a lot of charisma, however even he can't save this one,and he had no chemistry with the cast either! (Lamas Rules!). Josie Bell is terrible here, and while she's decent looking, she isn't very convincing and had no chemistry with Lamas. Cheryl Jeans is hot, but does not have much to do but scream and scared, she did okay at that.Robert Scott is INCREDIBLY annoying as the main villain, and wasn't menacing at all, he was laughable as were the other 2. Rest of the cast are bad. Overall Avoid! Avoid!, even if you do like Lamas (like me). * out of 5
