GL84 A woman cursed with a body full of snakes boards a passenger train to receive treatment, only for several of the snakes to get loose and head into the train, causing chaos and panic when they start attacking the passengers on-board.While there's some great points here, this one was a massive disappointment with lot of rather important flaws on display. The biggest factor for here is the fact that this one goes big for the contents of the curse that it becomes enjoyable in how it builds in here, going from genuinely creepy to actually cheesy throughout. The opening scenes in the baggage car where the birth occurs by vomiting out the snakes that begins all the fun of the rest of this one by giving off these types of encounters throughout here, as the concept of these scenes is certainly cheesy enough but carried out in a serious, thrilling feeling with all the action here not only to keep the snakes contained but there's the enjoyable fun of the snakes getting loose. These here are the film's best points as the spreading snakes, either through possession or the freed creatures in the cars slithering along the floors, into passengers' compartments and the bathrooms results in plenty of exciting, cheesy action swarming over victims, shootouts and plenty of vomiting up snakes to give this section all sorts of fun. As well, the film gets quite a bit out of the concept of the voodoo curse here which carries this one along throughout here which is enjoyable enough but not to hold off the flaws here. The biggest issue here is how long it takes for the actual carnage to begin which comes from several big factors contributing together. Among the biggest here is the central purpose of the curse seeing as how this one has it to where the main point of the victims is to keep the snakes from getting loose, and manage to spend most of the film trying to do so. Other factors in the plot line, from the girl smuggling drugs, the fake policeman among the crowd as well as the family drama all manage to really hold off the first half here, leaving only the last ten minutes for any kind of good snake action. These keep that plodding along Since they're not loose among the train, and nothing of interest happens or very little of it is enjoyable in this section of the film. As well, the other flaw with this one is the CGI snakes which look really bad and obvious about not being in contact with their surroundings, don't react to anything around them or that obvious pixilation that gives away the origins of the creature. Along with a badly-edited, foreign-language opening that's massively confusing, these here are what hold this one down against the positives.Rated R: Graphic Violence, Graphic Language, Nudity and children-in- jeopardy.

Paul Magne Haakonsen I happened to come across this movie by sheer blind luck, and of course this is a produced by The Asylum, who else would blatantly cash in on another movie with a similar plot, name and concept? After all, that is the trademark of The Asylum, is it not?"Snakes on a Train" is, no surprise here, a low budget cash in and rip off on the other just slightly better movie "Snakes on a Plane", also from 2006. You know, the movie with Samuel L. Jackson. However, "Snakes on a Train" takes places on a train - doh!The story is about two border jumpers from Mexico who are trying to get to Los Angeles in order to find a remedy for the ancient curse that is afflicting the woman border jumper. She is spewing out snakes, and these snakes turn rampart on the train, spreading havoc and mayhem.I will say that the storyline, with its subplots and attempts to incorporate various themes, failed ultimately more horrible than the fail in "Snakes on a Plane". The story in The Asylum's "Snakes on a Train" was just all the more laughable and badly executed. And it didn't really help the movie along in any sense that the characters were as hollow and wooden as the acting skills of those attempting to portray them."Snakes on a Train" is bad through and through. And not for a single moment did I believe that the movie was actually taking place on a locomotive train. Not even once did you get to look outside the windows in the train to see the passing by landscape and scenery. All windows were, oddly enough, semi-glossy and non-transparent.This movie is one to stay clear off, and it was a test of will to sit through this and keep watching it. I must admit that I eventually gave up and didn't finish the movie, because it was just that awful.

Coventry The cover illustration isn't a lie, in fact. In case you've never witnessed a movie in which an entire train (and not a small one, I may add) gets eaten by a preposterously humongous and pathetic looking CGI snake, here's your chance! Before you experience this, however, you'll have to struggle yourself through one of the most miserable and embarrassing pieces of trash ever made. There honestly aren't any words to describe how awful "Snakes on a Train" actually is. The script doesn't contain any coherence or logical development, the characters (as well as the actors and actresses depicting them) are pitiable morons and the special effects & action sequences are amateurish beyond comprehension. A female Mexican refugee and her lover illegally board a train from El Paso to Los Angeles. The woman has been cursed by her family, however, and she constantly barfs up thick green pea soup with little serpents in it. She needs to keep the serpents with her in order to survive, but some of them nevertheless slither away to the next carriages. Then, for some inexplicable reason, the little black snakes mutate into various species of enormous colorful snakes and begin to feast on the rest of the passengers. This is embarrassing, bottom-of-the-barrel stuff, quickly made to cash in on the unexpected huge success of "Snakes on a Plane", and I'm pretty sure the Mallachi Brothers improvised the script as they went along filming this nonsense. The handful of characters (100 passengers, my ass… More like 12 to 15) don't have a clue what they're doing or saying and one of them even mistakes a giant snake for an iguana. And it's boring. Don't ask me how a shoestring-budgeted film revolving on snakes in an isolated setting manages to be boring, but it is. The last couple of minutes are fun, but only if you're severely intoxicated.

Chris Mackey (guestar57) SNAKES ON A TRAIN www.theasylum.cc Wow, Where has theasylum and their quirky brand of film-making been ? On Mother F'n Sci-Fi Channel and major video chains, Netflix yet ?This is probably their best film, Or Very Close Tuit. Alby Castro and Ryanne steal the show as the couple harboring deadly snakes on thee train. The special effects are very good, Especially for Theasylum…Samuel L. Jackson wishes his were This Slimy. Is that really Peter Mervis (interviewed before) lying & groping & what not ( If you're not a Mallachi Bro,Who wrote that Homoerotic crap with a gun ???) Only downer I can see is what happens with the Little Girl, Very Jon-Benet Ramsey timely. Hey , Did you peoples ship enough to store shelves ? Is Sci-Fi Channel rushing a premiere on TV ? Other notable peeps in front of camera and behind: Derek Osedach. Look forward to more from Mallachis, Alby, Ryanne and those drug smuggling hotties: Amelia and Shannon. One an unbelievable ending, Actually after watching this "Orphidiophobia-PALOOZA"…I did believe it.