aaronsaltzer I don't understand why Sara went missing from the group and no one seemed to notice or care. Then when Brian fell down the tube and seen his "parents" and "sister", he was surprised. It makes me wonder if I missed something because I've seen this movie over and over again with the same outcome.

Woodyanders Spunky British nanny Crystina (cute Nicola Cowper, who sports a vintage 80's Cyndi Lauper-like short spiky hairdo) and squabbling brothers Bryan (obnoxious Ilan Mitchell-Smith of "Weird Science") and Richard (jerky Paul Carafotes) discover the fantastic and dangerous subterranean city of Atlantis while exploring a cave. Said city is ruled by a strict totalitarian government that doesn't take kindly to any strangers from the above ground world. Man, is this flick a real incredibly baffling and barely coherent mishmosh of two separate movies: Director Rusty Lemorande had his finished feature taken away from him by callous studio executives and completed by director Albert Pyun, who turned the movie into a bizarre and baffling sort of sequel to his delightfully inane "Alien from L.A.". The resultant patchwork abomination comes complete with draggy pacing, severe lapses in basic logic (Richard gets a face full of steam, but doesn't suffer any burns whatsoever!), annoying characters, silly dream scenes, shoddy (not so) special effects, a laboriously drawn-out opening third, garish cinematography (the film often resembles a very tacky 80's music video stretched out to feature length), funky, syncopated music, irritating use of wipes, a ridiculous music montage sequence, and a totally nonsensical ending. Janet Du Plessis has a nifty dual role as helpful rat lady Shank and evil eye-patched General Rykov, Kathy Ireland makes a cameo appearance as Wanda Saknussemm, and eccentric stand-up comedian Emo Philips can be briefly glimpsed in one of the dream scenes. Despite its frequently dumbfounding cheesiness and pervasive feeling of heavy lethargy, this oddity still manages to be strangely watchable and entertaining. By no means a good film, but a deliciously dreadful piece of dreck that hardcore bad cinema aficionados should get a kick out of seeing.

zardoz-13 The funny sound that you may hear when you eyeball this execrable version of Jules Verne's classic "Journey to the Center of the Earth" is Verne spinning in his grave. The only thing about this 80 minute opus that has anything to do with "Journey to the Center of the Earth" is the title. Otherwise, everything else in this lackluster production is new and not worth watching. In fact, the director has written here at IMDb.COM that he directed only eight minutes of "Journey to the Center of the Earth" and the studio tacked on part of "Dollman" helmer Albert Pyun's sequel to his own "Alien from L.A." with Kathy Ireland. Evidently, the producers ran out of money and to satisfy overseas contractual obligations, they grafted Pyun's sequel onto director Rusty Lemorande's movie. Please, don't rent or buy this wretched piece of garbage.Unlike director Henry Levin's period piece "Journey to the Center of the Earth" (1959) with James Mason and Pat Boone, Lemorande's "Journey to the Center of the Earth" takes place in contemporary times in Hawaii. Two fellows, a British nanny, and a dog are brought together for the adventure of a lifetime purely by coincidence. Richard (Paul Carafotes of "Blind Date") and his comic book obsessed brother Bryan (Ilan Mitchell-Smith of "Weird Science") are going out to explore a cave. The heroine, Crystina (Nicola Cowper of "Underworld"), works for a domestic service called 'Nannies R Us.' Being a nanny has been Crystina's life-long dream, but she has made a less of all five of her nanny jobs. Nevertheless, her sympathetic supervisor, Ms. Ferry (Lynda Marshall of "Africa Express"), sends her to Hawaii. Crystina's new client, rock star Billy Foul (Jeremy Crutchley of "Doomsday") who is scheduling one last concert to revive his flagging career, has a dog named Bernard. Foul wants Crystina to take Bernard to a doggie day spa. Crystina is waiting on the arrival of her taxi when a careless motel attendant accidentally puts the basket that conceals Bernard in Richard's jeep. You see, Foul has hidden his canine in a basket because motel management strictly prohibits pets on their premises. Foul has disguised the dog as a human baby. Anyway, Crystina catches a cab and tells the driver follow Richard.After she catches up with them to get her dog, the cabbie cruises away and abandons her. Crystina demands that Richard drive her back to town, but he has other plans. Unhappily, Crystina joins the guys and they get lost, and then find themselves in the lost city of Atlantis, a police state ruled by a dictator, at the center of the Earth. The rulers of Atlantis repeatedly notify their citizens that life on the surface does not exist. Our heroes and heroine stumble onto Atlantis quite by accident. Atlantis resembles a disco and everybody looks like they are straight out of a punk rock opera. The ruler of Atlantis, General Rykov (Janet Du Plessis of "Operation Hit Squad"), is orchestrating a raid on the surface with clones of the first human, Wanda Saknussemm (Kathy Ireland of "Necessary Roughness"), to visit Atlantis. Predictably, General Rykov machinations to rule Atlantis and overthrow the Earth fails, and our heroes and heroine save the day."Journey to the Center of the Earth" is an abomination. The movie seems to be a comedy despite its superficial satire about dictatorships. Albert Pyun is one of my favorite low budget action directors, but he blew it on this lightweight shambles of a science fiction saga.

SanDiego Sequel to the campy, much maligned Kathy Ireland vehicle, "Alien from L.A." This time Nicola Cowper (dressing like a 1980's Cyndi Lauper/Madonna clone) stars in the lead (Kathy has a cameo) doing an "Adventures in Babysitting goes to the Center of the Earth" type of thing. Whatever you liked (or hated) about the first film, be assured there's more here. 1980's punk rock version of Jules Verne's "Journey to the Center of the Earth" can be taken for what it is but the plot at the end is very difficult to follow and ultimately falls apart. I liked the Brady-Bunch-goes-to-Hawaii theme at the beginning but the creeps at the center of the Earth (about 300 feet below the surface actually) were boring if anything at all. Looking like a live-action Saturday morning TV show from the early 1970's (think H.R. Puffenstuff) this is the type of film best watched while doing something else with a bunch of other people. Maybe a better title would be "Is This Still On?"