Aki Savolainen For once I'm almost lost for words. This "film" is an incomprehensible mess even for a battle-hardened b-fan like myself. Any adjective I can think to describe this piece is unavoidably followed by an addendum "of the worst kind". Amateurish. Trippy. Inexcusable. I really hope the makers of Roller Blade Seven had fun, because I certainly did not.Reading through the other reviews I feel like preaching to the choir here. Even though some have taken it upon themselves to call this garbage artistic or non-traditional, even revolutionary (judging by their profiles they are true DGJ devotees), there does still exist a line between having your own unique voice in art and falling extremely flat while trying to be "artsy". For the benefit of film as a form of art and entertainment and as a warning to those aspiring to partake in the process of creating films we should call spade a spade here and give the nauseating misuse of stock called Roller Blade Seven the loathing it deserves.Trying to dissect this film is borderline impossible, as everything on both sides of the camera seems to be so irredeemably off. It has no place in a theatre, home collection, and even for a low-budget museum of post-modern art it would be like a bird dropping in a cappuccino. How this hideous miscreant has escaped to be viewable by the public oblivious to the horrors they're about to witness I do not know.Heed the warnings and avoid this mess that unashamedly calls itself a movie at all costs.

mooncat335 My house mate and I foolishly purchased the video of 'The Roller Blade Seven' from our local second hand video shop in the hope of finding a bad film to laugh at. This film isn't even laughable, it's pathetically poor, worse even than Jack Frost 2-and that's saying something. The script, acting, production, stunts, sound, sets, everything is absolutely terrible. In some parts the actors haven't even learned their lines and are blatantly ad-libbing or in one case actually having the lines read to them off set and simply repeating them. Set in the post apocalyptic 'Wheel Zone',The film obviously consists of about 45 minutes of film, many parts of which are edited badly or repeated ad nauseum from various different camera angles to make the film longer. This gets tedious very quickly. The plot makes no sense whatsoever (It is apparently an amalgam of two books written by Scott Shaw), there aren't even seven of them, most of them aren't on blades, they're wearing roller boots, and it seems to me that mostly the film has been completely sold on the fact that there's about 3 minutes of female semi-nudity in it. The writer and star Scott Shaw obviously fancies himself somewhat of a Samurai and throughout the film performs some very poor stunts and made up sword fighting moves that look massively amateurish. Despite all this, his website states that the film should never be compared to a traditional film because it really pushes the boundaries of modern film making. My house mate and I were left speechless by the whole ordeal, and despite my frequent attempts to burn the videotape, she has decided it may be some kind of Ring-esquire video curse that needs to be passed on. If you see the video in stores, take it from me! Leave well alone!

Mystery_Biscuit I watched this film with a group of Nazis, a French Archaeologist and my ex-girlfriend on a small island in the Mediterranian.When the tape was started, myself and my girlfriend were tied to a wooden stake at the far end of this cave like area. I told her to close her eyes and no matter what happened not to open them. The Nazi's and the archaeologist didn't close their eyes and after a few seconds started screaming. The Nazi's faces melted and the archaeologist's head exploded.After a few seconds the video tape popped out of the VCR and landed back in it's box and the top snapped shut. Myself and my girlfriend were left unharmed.Consequent to this experience, the video cassette was put in a wooden crate and stored in a huge warehouse of identical wooden crates, never to be see again.

Hail_to_the_chimp It was (foolishly) with some degree of relish that I sat down to watch what a friend had promised would be the worst/best movie experience of my life, the mighty 'Roller blade 7'. 2 years on and I'm still in therapy. Oh yes my dear friends it REALLY IS THAT BAD. They obviously got about 40 minutes of footage in the can and then decided to use said footage endlessly and repeatedly to brain-numbing effect. My only fear of the kind of post-apocalyptic world featured in this turkey is that somehow, some way, a print of this abomination would survive. Truly the living would envy the dead.