Hansel and Gretel Get Baked

2013 "Prepare for the high of your life"
4.4| 1h26m| R| en| More Info
Released: 19 February 2013 Released
Producted By: Tribeca Productions
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Budget: 0
Revenue: 0
Official Website: https://www.facebook.com/HanselGretelGetBaked
Synopsis

An intense new marijuana strain named “Black Forest” is taking Los Angeles by storm, and Gretel’s stoner boyfriend can’t get enough. But when the old woman growing the popular drug turns out to be an evil witch, cooking and eating her wasted patrons for their youth, Gretel and her brother Hansel must save him from a gruesome death — or face the last high of their lives.

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Scarecrow-88 Molly C Quinn, the hot little strawberry blond from Castle, is Gretel, while Michael Welch (know to the Twilight folks specifically and to zombie fans with his role in Z-Nation) is her brother, Hansel. Gretel, her brother, and her boyfriend all love smoking pot. There's a "cute grandma" selling pot and brownies not too far from where they live…yeah, she's a witch. She has the ability to drain "youth" from others, and so potheads arriving at her door offer the perfect victims to "suck dry". Lara Flynn Boyle, at first in old age makeup, soon has returned to her 40s thanks to the youth of Andrew James Allen (Gretel's beau).Part of the comedy is how busy the knocks at Boyle's door become. At one point she just shoots two cops who answer concerns of missing people possibly tied to her (Yancy Butler and Lochlyn Munro in small, but humorous, supporting parts…part of the joke is that the film builds them going to the house only for them to be "dispatched" rather quickly), while her gory mistreatment of Allen is particularly gruesome (eye gouging with a fork she pops in her mouth after the fact and she chews on meat sawed from his leg, throwing a chunk to her dog!) and prolonged. A couple of victims (including a drug dealer of her weed who becomes too much trouble and a trio of drug supplying goons outraged with her selling on their turf) turn into zombies and go after our young dope-head heroes. You just have to see the throat slashing (it goes over the top by having the victim jerking and bleeding like a stuck pig) and an upside down "blood drain" (through the use of a hose turn spout!), not to mention, the ole "yank out the heart" gag are included for extra ultra violence. Boyle keeps the face straight although the part is absurd. She literally goes into the oven and even makes out with Latina babe, Bianca Saad, at one point, as Quinn searches throughout her house for the boyfriend. Boyle even has a bomb shelter converted into a pot farm! Cary Elwes is barely recognizable as a meter man who picks up a black cat seemingly abandoned and pays for it. As you might expect, there's plenty of "pot humor" to go with the grue. Definitely a kitchen sink movie.
GL84 After her pot-head boyfriend disappears around town, a teen and her brother trace him back to a local witch using magically-enhanced marijuana to attract youths in order to remain young and must put a stop to her actions.Overall this one was a lot of fun if slightly flawed here. For the most part, the fact that this is a horror/comedy yet nothing here is really all that funny is the biggest issue since this one is really only funny for the fact that everyone here is a raving pot-head, including the supposedly innocent lead. For anyone who does not find drug-related humor funny in the slightest, much of what happens here where everyone acts completely stoned and out looking for more marijuana won't in the slightest bit seem funny or appealing and it just really tends to wear on some who don't offer up anything else here to really get a handle on. Still, outside of this facet the film provides plenty of exciting and enjoyable elements throughout here which come from the fact that this one's built more as a straight-forward horror film with a goofy-sounding device to set things in motion as if this one dropped all the drug jokes it's a perfectly enjoyable effort about a witch using the drug to lure those in the community over to her quarters. It plays a lot of these scenes straight about the witch's powers getting stronger and stronger as it goes along as there's some fine story lines about her expanding magic to charm those into letting her go, the addition of zombified slaves that she controls for peace and security reasons and the ability to get younger-looking as time goes on which makes this a lot of fun when these are out and about. As well, there's plenty of fine action here in the basement as the use of charmed marijuana plants that act as guards and trap intruders, a fantastic play on the original story where they get away from the ravenous guard-dog and the final fight in the basement all make this one quite enjoyable with some fine action scenes needing to get away from the witch and making the finale a lot better than it should. Likewise, this one really gets a fine boost from the fact that it plays along so well with the fairy tale throughout here that it certainly comes closest to telling that particular tale better than expected considering the additional material it utilizes in tying it all with pot instead of candy. Along with some fine gore from the early kills and an engrossing mystery angle searching for the missing boyfriend that takes up the majority of the first half here, this one comes off as highly enjoyable that would've been better had it been played straight.Rated R: Graphic Language, Graphic Violence and heavy drug use.
Claudio Carvalho The pothead Ashton Crawford (Andrew James Allen) and his girlfriend Gretel (Molly Quinn) are smoking in her room special marijuana called Black Forest supplied by the drug dealer Manny (Eddy Martin) and produced by an old lady named Agnes (Lara Flynn Boyle) that lives in Pasadena. Gretel's brother Hansel (Michael Welch) arrives home and Gretel tells that she will bake gingerbread cookie while Ashton will go directly to Agnes to buy more Black Forest. However Agnes is a witch and captures Ash to eat his flesh and drain his youth to maintain youth.Gretel seeks her boyfriend out and suspects of Agnes, but the police officers Ritter (Lochlyn Munro) and Hart (Yancy Butler) do not give credit to her words since Ritter knows that Ash is a pothead. Meanwhile the gang that supplies weed to Manny learns that he is selling Black Forest to his costumers and they threaten him and their leader Jorge (Joe Ordaz) sends a message to Agnes through Manny. However, the drug dealer is turned into a zombie by Agnes and Jorge and his gang pay a visit to her and are also turned into zombies. Soon Gretel and Manny's girlfriend Bianca (Bianca Saad) decide to break into Agnes' house and they learn that she is a powerful witch. Meanwhile Hansel goes to Agnes 's house to look for his sister."Hansel & Gretel Get Baked" is a horror dark comedy about a group of potheads and a group of drug dealers that have their lives entwined with a witch that sells weed. The politically incorrect theme might be funnier for teenage potheads but the plot is funny and the situations works reasonably well. I did not recognize Lara Flynn Boyle, one of the most gorgeous actresses until the turn of the century and now with a totally deformed face by plastic surgery the same way Melanie Griffith and Meg Ryan did. Now she is the witch without make-up. Time is cruel for everybody but it seems to be crueler for those that try to keep beauty and youth at any cost. I have also not recognized the beautiful Yancy Butler, but she is aging with dignity. My vote is six.Title (Brazil): "João, Maria e a Bruxa Da Floresta Negra" ("John, Mary and the Witch of the Black Forest")
Gabriele Longo I saw a poster of this movie in a mall: there was a gingerbread man smoking a blunt, and I thought it was cute and funny. I decided to give this movie a chance.During the first ten minutes, the movie seems the typical horror-oriented (well, this is what it aims for; it obviously misses its point) comedy written by a pair of pubescent 13-year old boys. You know, boobs, weed, bad jokes and even worse music. But no, oh no, it gets much worse. The plot is dull, the acting is awful, the characters are the stereotypical boneheads you find in each and every bad horror movie: the hot blonde, the ghetto girl, the stupid hunk and the smart geek. Wow. Brilliant.I can't even begin to describe how awful this movie is. Maybe that's what the producers wanted? Making a parody of an actual film? If, as I previously stated, you're a 13 year old boy who likes weed, energy drinks, bad jokes and centerfolds, congrats: you can survive watching this movie. To everyone else, there are many better things you can do to fill this hour and a half. Take a walk, bake a pie, I don't know. Don't waste your time on this!