Tromafreak First off, if you don't LOVE low-budget cinema, then don't even think about it. Even if you do, be cautious. Recently, I came across quite the homemade disasterpiece that you very well may not be ready for. If you're not at all familiar with the s.o.v. revolution of the 80's (Cannibal Campout, Blood Lake), then chances are high you won't know what the hell to think of this one. Actually, I have an entire collection of terrible Horror movies, which were shot on video, and I still have no idea what to think. This completely uncalled for home video was created by the Polonia brothers. A couple of scrawny, odd-looking twins, with sad little mustaches, who either really love Horror, or really, really hate it. What makes Splatter farm hilarious, and totally watchable is the fact that the little mustached gippers are the stars of the movie. Wait till you get a load of these guys. So, anyway, in Splatter Farm, the brothers Polonia pack up their mustaches, thick-lensed glasses and short shorts, and take it to the country, for the summer, to stay with their elderly aunt Lacey, and psychotic cousin Jeremy. The aunt despises one of the twins, seemingly, for no reason, but wants to get it on with the other. All of this is established long before things get weird. Soon enough, Jeremy makes sure things get real weird, with the brutal killings and whatnot. And of course, the Polonia's make sure the massive amounts of gore is as fake, and watery-looking as possible.LOL... Sweet Jesus. I swear, these low-budget Horror flicks can't be good for the IQ. This one, especially. Already considering everything I know, and everything that is painfully obvious about this movie, the fact that the theme of incest is also being toyed with, simply makes Splatter Farm all the more priceless. But it's not all incest and watery gore. Splatter Farm offers several scenes involving extreme brutality. Some things I've never even seen before. Some things that couldn't possibly be explained on IMDb. What surprises me the most is that the mustache twins continued their quest for true s.o.v. excellence, throughout the next couple decades. Think of me what you will, but I'm totally gonna have to make it my business to check out more of these Polonia efforts in the very near future. What can I say? I love this stuff. 8/10

seth_yeah Splatter Farm! SPLATTER FARM! Sometimes I see a work of art that just makes me withdraw to reassess my life and the meaning of art. Splatter Farm (SPLATTER FARM!!!) is not really one of them, but it's sort of close. It is the first and only shot-on-video homemade horror film I have seen.Splatter Farm was shot by two teenagers, the Polonia Brothers, who eventually became producers and directors of independent low-budget cult horrors. I wonder how this movie, SPLATTER FARM, ever got distributed, and how it fell into my hands. How? It is about these two kids who-- Wait, no, before I tell you what it's about, I have to tell you what it looks like. The first thing you think when you watch this thing, this "Splatter Farm" is "huh?" This is a home-video. It was shot on a camcorder. It looks like the tapes of your cousin's birthday party from way back when. It doesn't look this way as a stylistic technique-- it looks this way because that's what it is. You see this old house in the country. You see a cat out in a regular yard, not doing anything. You see a kid with an axe, standing over a stuffed dummy... and he begins swinging that axe right onto that stuffed dummy in a manner that indicated this kid, this "actor" has never swung an axe before, and the stuffed dummy begins leaking some red syrup. SPLATTER FARM! A toy keyboard provides the soundtrack, but it's not supposed to sound funny. Splatter Farm. I've never watched a movie like this before.Regaring the "story," it is something like: these two teenagers (the Polonia Brothers) are going to spend the summer vacation with their aunt on her farm-- her Splatter Farm... with the other kid from the opening sequence, that one with the axe (he lives in the barn and does chores). The setting is realistic and grimy because it is a real, old house in the country. Throughout the course of the movie you'll see a mustached teen grunting on a toilet, then excretes a stream of blood and a butcher's knife into the toilet, and he gets up, drooling blood and pulls his underwear up over his mutilated groin (it was just a dream), the aunt constantly hitting on the boys, finally giving one of them a roofie and raping him (which is depicted as someone hopping up and down underneath some blankets on a bed), ol' crazy boy gets ahold of one the brothers and gives him the ol' Splatter Farm with a pitchfork (SPLATTER FARM!), performs fellatio on him, drools out the guy's semen, turns him around, fists him (not explicitly shown) to pull out a handful of pudding (supposed to be feces), licks it then rubs it in his victims face, before sending him up to the great Splatter Farm in the sky. It also contains a scene of a decapitated head being used for self-fellatio before "Haute Tension" made it chic. Oh, and the boys' aunt is also a necrophiliac (with a nicely decomposed corpse wearing pants into which she reaches and sadly pulls out fear in a handful of dust), and then there's a twist regarding incest (again) at the end. The boy who plays the bad killer of SPLATTER FARM actually menaces me, yet he needed to learn how to properly swing an axe. The final scene of him, after murdering everyone, (don't worry about me spoiling the ending, you don't care about the plot when you watch something like this) frolicking and dancing gaily in the field is touching like Mabel reenacting the Death of a Swan in Cassavete's "A Woman Under the Influence." Not really. Everything in this movie (SPLATTER FARM) looks fake, yet, the fact that these boys put their imagination into doing this, it disturbs me.The acting is great, and by great I mean not so great, and by not so great I mean SPLATTER FARM!!!! The people recite their lines as though they were just told what to say before every shot without knowing anything about the movie (they probably wouldn't want to know anyway) (because the movie is Splatter Farm.... SPLATTER FARM!). I don't... you know... I... This looks like the kind of movie my buddies and I would make in high school, for fun... except our themes weren't so sickening.In a way, I want to recommend this to everyone, because it shows a totally different side of homemade film-making that many are not familiar with (I wasn't). And the camera angles, cutting, editing, everything, kinda shows conventions at their most stripped-down and basic... if you see it in this naked light then you can kind of recognize it better when you see it done professionally (check out the strange shot of an oven being lit). I suppose it contains some interesting comments on youthful film making.I bought this used for a dollar from a rental store in a very small Midwestern town. The tape had been stopped and queued about 25% through into movie, indicating that the last person to have rented this probably could not get through this strange video. I would love to have seen that person's reaction. I believe this film is now available on DVD from its distributor's website.Rating: "Splatter Farm" out of "Splatter Farm" SPLATTER FARM!!!!!!

movesukkaz Do not believe the raving and ranting about this one, you will not find it shocking, or gross, or 'nauseating' as some other reviewers would have you believe. Once again we have a terminally boring and dumb oddity that no one has seen, and those that have feel privileged for some odd reason and thus, obligated to hype it up into something its not even close to being."F'ed up" and "sickenly far" are phrases some reviewer chose to use to describe Splatter Farm. Needless to say, that made me laugh almost as hard as the movie did! THERE IS NOTHING SICK OR SHOCKING IN THIS FILM. ITS ALL JUST WORDS. Sure there's some blood and gore, but when an entire movie comes of like a goof, how on earth can it be shocking? For example, the animal cruelty scene (token for any exploiter) shows man lifting hammer, cut to closeup of horse, cut to hammer being lifted, cut to closeup of horse, cut to horse naying and running away...yes folks, ready those pacemakers and prepare for the shock!Or howabout the incest scene with the aunt and the nephew, here's how it goes.Aunt: I'm feeling lonely, I drugged your drink. Cut to someone sitting on bed with a big sheet over them, bouncing up and down for 3 seconds (that is supposed to be the aunt and nephew doing it under the covers). End scene. And yes, thats as disturbing as this stinker gets. Every "shock" in this flick is poorly executed and lifted from either Nekromantik or Island of Death (others I'm sure) and just comes of as ineffective and funny(!), the type of reaction you shouldn't have.The only thing more perplexing than the oh so "sick and twisted...I love it" kids praising moronic movies like this are the detractors condemning them for being so filthy and disgusting (eg. Cannibal Holocaust), anyone that enjoys it must need help. I mean I just don't get it. Like most exploiters, nothing comes off as genuine and is usually badly handled so why bother making a fuss? Anyway, if you're looking for shocks or hell, even just a fun time, don't be mislead. This one doesn't deliver the goods at all, fan of exploitation cinema or not.

as2tral First off.. let me state. I am a fan of cheesy horror movies... I have made many "home movie" type videos with friends. So... to me this was a fun ride... At times I could not really pick out what was so stimulating about it though. The acting is beyond horrible (but amusingly humorous), the effects are .. well... to tell the truth I have seen worse... somehow the movie was able to keep my interest, but I cannot say it was an extremely fast paced ride. This film is bizarre in this respect.. I have become harder and harder to entertain, but this movie.. well... kept me entertained... I think it does what most "low budget" / "no budget" movies should do. It understood that it did not have to fill a 90 to 120 minute time slot in order to be considered a film. Most movies in this category feel they must stretch the story out so thin that you could see through it or at least beg for it to be over... At about 75 minutes in length it was not too bad... To me as I ponder my interest in this movie, I think it may be the fact it readily appears as a "home video" and because of that aspect, lends itself to an almost voyeuristic quality while viewing... there are some sick things that go on through this movie and I believe the timing of these events must be perfect.